Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Don't Get Your Hopes Up Too High

Ghislaine Maxwell Filed Several Documents Just Before Arrest | Law ...

Ghislaine Maxwell ex-cohort, ex-lover and ex-pimp some say, of the late Jeffrey Epstein has been arrested.  And, she is going to name, names!  Or so the Mass Hysteria tells us so.  What names you ask.  Well names like Prince Andrew of the British Royal family, Bill Clinton former President and known affectionately around here as HisBubbaness and Alan Dershowitz famed Attorney and Harvard Law Professor.  Oh wait, we just named them.  Ooops! 

Oh well, not to worry as no one is going to get indicted or convicted based on what we print here or what anyone prints anywhere else.  And there’s the rub.  Just printing names in a news outlet or online neither indicts or convicts anyone of anything.  Just as having a phone number on someone else’s phone or being at some banquet and taking a picture with them, won’t get the job done either.  To convict someone of a crime you have to prove the crime took place and they did it.  Juries have been known to be kind of particular about those things.  Right about now, all Ghislaine seems to be able to do, is convict herself.  Of course, there will be the book, and the movie ‘I Was Jeffrey Epstein’s Lover, Slave and Pimp The, Ghislaine Maxwell Story’ and that will be delicious.  Just don’t get your hopes too high about indictments or convictions.  

Now those on the far left or the alt left, don’t get your hopes up too high about a revolution coming anytime soon.  We know that the watered-down Marxism you were taught, told you that tension between the classes, that is the oppressors and the oppressed, creates change in society.  However, if you look a little closer in the history books, you’ll see that revolutions, like the French revolution or the Granddaddy of them all to you guys, the Russian revolution, happened because people were starving not because they all got woke.  So sorry guys, it doesn’t matter how many statues you topple, America has a problem with obesity, not starvation.  So, the revolution, well it just ain’t happening.  Not unless you figure out how to get Americans away from Mickey D’s, KFC, Burger King and Dairy Queen.  Even the Kung Flu couldn’t keep American’s away from Mickey D’s, KFC, Burger King and Dairy Queen. 

And, there is going to be baseball!  Opening day will be July 23rd, so long as not too many people get sick before then.  But don’t get your hopes up too high, as there will be either no one in the seats or they’ll be social distancing and the ballpark will be almost empty.  All the sounds that you associate with the game like the roar of the crowd, will just be a faint echo of what they used to be.  And, the season will only be 60 games so when it’s over, the question will be, did the best team win?  Did the best team even get in the playoffs?  The whole season may seem anti-climactic and even hollow.  The only silver lining for us, is one of our favorite guys Kyle Home Run Higashioka of our beloved Yankees, is no longer the third string catcher but the backup catcher or number 2 guy.  This means he’ll play on a somewhat regular basis.  And, we call him Kyle Home Run Higashioka, because three of his first four hits in the major leagues, were home runs!  Not too many guys have ever done that.  Now If Kyle Home Run Higashioka could just get a hundred at bats, in a short season, well maybe, just maybe, he could win the home run title and be Home Run Higashioka to everyone.  And, that would certainly lift our hearts in this, The Year of the Kung Flu.   

Yeah, yeah, we know, we know, the title says it and we’ve been telling everyone including revolutionaries not to get their hopes up too high and look what we’re hoping for.  Guess we have to chalk it up to baseball, where hope always springs eternal, even without spring training. 

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Tuesday, June 23, 2020


xkcd: Donner

In the land of CHAZ or CHOP a place that has been described by the Mayor of Seattle as “the summer of love” there were two separate shootings.  Some people in CHAZ or CHOP reflexively dialed 911.  But when the Police showed up the Leaders of CHOP or CHAZ took over and refused to let the Police enter.  When the Ambulance showed up, the Ambulance driver explained to the Leaders of CHOP or CHAZ that he wasn’t going to the scene of a shooting, without the Police and said “Bye”.  The Leaders of the CHOP or CHAZ didn’t quite understand but pretty much everyone else got that PDQ.  But the question that lingers on is, if you can’t get an Ambulance to show up when someone is shot, what are the odds of ordering a Pizza or some Sushi?  Probably not too good. 

So, we’re kind of wondering what will happen in the long term to this latest attempt at Utopia.  I mean most of us would assume that any modern-day Utopia would have Pizza and Sushi and well, some kind of medical help too.  Of course, back in the old days there was no such things and there is, a long history of Utopias in America.  In fact, that’s why people crossed the ocean and came here in the first place, to find Utopia.  So, another question rears its head and that is will this CHAZ or CHOP this “summer of love”, become another Plymouth Rock which is in modern day Massachusetts.  Or will the inhabitants of “the summer of love” go the way of The Roanoke Colony or the Donner Party?  For those of you who don’t know, the Roanoke Colony was an early settlement of about 112 people back 1585, in what is now North Carolina.  The Roanoke Colonists built a Fort while they awaited their relief that would bring them much needed supplies.  But when their relief showed up, the Fort stood tall but there was no one home.  No one found bodies and no one could ever find out what happened to them.  They just sort of faded away into the landscape.  Now the Donner Part were a group of settlers heading west in 1846 who got lost in a snow storm and then they ran out of food.  And, well... They wound up eating each other.  Hey, they were out of food, people died in the cold and snow and well what to do?  Some of The Donner party lived to tell their tragic story and some became the 1846/47 version of Sushi. 

But what will become of CHAZ or CHOP in this ‘the summer of love’?  Will they become a permanent fixture on the American Continent?  Or will they just fade away?  Or will they wind up eating each other?  And, when it's all over one way or the other, will anyone care? 
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Monday, June 8, 2020


FULL MATCH - John Cena vs. The Great Khali – WWE Title Match: WWE ...

According to the statistics of the CDC that’s the Center for Disease Control of the United States 1.9 million people have contracted The Kung Flu here in America.  Sadly, 111,000 people have died from it.  The good news though is 528,000 people have recovered.  But we’re kind of wondering what happened to the other 1.26 million people who contracted The Kung Flu?  Are they still sick?  That seems kind of unlikely, as it would require them to have the Kung Flu for a couple of months and The Kung Flu only lasts 10 to 14 days at most.  Are they you know… the other thing and no one has had time to contact their families?  Did they simply wander away somewhere ashamed and afraid to seek treatment, not wanting their families to also get the disease?  Have they migrated to other countries like Mexico, Brazil or China?  What, happened to their stimulus checks?  Will we ever know what became of them?  Will this become one of the great mysteries of the 21st Century?  Same as, did O.J. do it and what happened to Amelia Earhart were unanswered questions for the 20th Century?  Does anyone care?

And why is there no Major League Baseball?  There has been professional baseball in America since 1869 when the first professional team the Cincinnati Red Stockings, started paying their players.  All through WWI, the Spanish Flu, WWII, hurricanes and all kinds of assorted calamities there was always Major League Baseball.  We ask this question because of The WWE, the World Wrestling Entertainment or professional wrestling as it’s known.  Any yeah, yeah, we know its fake but it’s on TV and it’s live!  If you tune in, you’ll see that these are not, replays with Triple H, Andre the Giant or the Fabulous Moolah.  There are no fans in the stands but these guys and gals are not practicing safe distancing.  You can’t do that when you have to kick your opponent in the face, hit them over the head with a chair or pin them to the mat.  And, they’re not wearing masks!  Well some are, as it’s part of their costume.  But if we can have the WWE why not Baseball?  If the WWE doesn’t need fans in the stands, we don’t either.  And, unlike the WWE, Major League players are not even close to each other on the ballfield.  Well other than the batter and the catcher and the catcher is already wearing a mask.  And, everyone is already wearing gloves.  What about the home plate umpire you might ask?  Well we could just move him back behind the pitcher like they did in the 1890s.  Or put him the broadcast booth and let him use the TV screen.  He’d probably see the pitches a lot better.   Come on MLB grow a…  ooops.  We almost said a baddie there.  But you know, the thing you wear the cup and the jockstrap over.

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Sunday, May 31, 2020

In A Time of...

TROY - Achilles and Odysseus Opens gate to Troy *HD ''2004 film ...
If anyone is wondering why the Kung Flu seems to have disappeared from the headlines it’s because as much as the media loves a plague, it loves a fire more.

But just because the Kung Flu is not dominating the headlines don’t think for a minute, that you can take your mask off.  And maintain social distancing, even if the people you see in the glow of the fires, aren’t.

Did you ever realize that life had passed you by?  That you’d missed a great opportunity, the chance of a lifetime?  Well I did.  My late wife was a Pediatrician and she had a private practice.  And, I realized if I were still there doing what I used to do, getting the charts, logging in the patients, sweeping and mopping the floors, throwing out the garbage and wiping up little kids vomit.  If I were still doing that now, I’d be a hero.  But then I’m not doing that anymore and I’m not a hero. 

Then I remembered that HBO series about the 101st Airborne Division, ‘Band of Brothers’.  They were the first guys in on D-Day and they held out in Bastogne during the Battle of the Bulge.  One of those guys was interviewed at the end of the series and he was asked.  “Do you think of yourself as a hero.”  And, he answered.  “No, but I served in a Company of heroes.”  And, I’m thinking maybe that’s me?  But no, that’s not me.  The Kung Flu wasn’t around back then when I was doing all that.  Although I got sick a few times, quite a few times.  But no, not good enough, not even close.

But then I realized that the other Doctors, Nurses and Medical Assistants that worked with us are still out there.  And, on the front lines too.  So maybe it’s like the end of that movie Troy about the ancient legendary war between Greece and Troy.  The war goes on for ten years and when it’s over, a whole lot of guys are dead.  It was, as if there had been a plague.  You could say the scourge of war, is like a plague.  The Greeks are victorious but they’ve lost their number one guy, Achilles.  The last lines of the movie are Odysseus saying.  ‘If they ever tell my story let them say I lived in the time of Hector, the Breaker of Horses.  I lived in the time of Achilles.  I lived in the time, of heroes.’  Yeah maybe that’s it.  I lived in a time of heroes too.

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Monday, May 25, 2020

Grand Ole Joe Biden

Joe Biden parody website is beating official campaign site on Google

We got to thinking about Joe Biden.  Now a lot of people having been making fun of him but this is serious.  Only two people with any chance of winning the Presidency wind up running against each other.  And, he’s secured the democrat nomination, so he’s one of them.  And, he’s been around for a long time.  So long in fact that when he first got elected Jimmy Carter was President and that’s back in the 20th Century.  So, we all got to thinking what if Joe Biden had been around in another time because well, he already has.  But what would he have said say in 1775 if he were a member of The 2nd Virginia Convention.?

“I know not what course others make take but as for me give me liberty or give me… you know… the other thing.”

Then there was November 19, 1863 in Gettysburg and when we look at the calendar, we see that Joe Biden’s birthday is about equidistant from that day and today.  And, we’re not age shaming.  It’s just math.  Joe Biden born 1942 – 1863 = 79.  Today 2020 – 1942 = 78.  If he gets elected and is President on Jan 21, 2021, he’ll be 79.

“Fourscore and seven years ago our forefathers brought forth, on this Continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men… you know the thing.  You all got copies or well we’ll get them to you.  I have to go now.  This other guy went on way too long and my wife has to be somewhere by 6.   Gotta go now or I’ll be in a lot of trouble.”

Then of course there was December 8th 1941 and while Ole Joe wasn’t around as yet he was about to be in a few weeks.

“Yesterday December 7th 1941 a day that will live in,,,  What’s this word here?  Oh yeah infamy.  Who wrote this thing?  Oh well there’s gonna be a war.  It’s a thing you know.  We’ll beat these guys ‘cause we’re angry.  Then there will be an election and I’ll beat Joe Biden.  And, if you don’t vote for this thing, you ain’t an American.”

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Sunday, May 17, 2020

Our Day Will Come

Over the years I’ve gotten into the habit of channel surfing as soon as the commercials come on the TV.  Other times I might not want to leave a particular channel because it’s like a Yankee game, so I would just hit the mute button.  This has just been a defensive measure against the never-ending onslaught of commercials, commercials everywhere.  But yesterday for some reason I forgot to switch the channel or even to hit the mute.  And it turned out to be a good thing.  Because there on the TV screen were celebrities, a never-ending array of them.  Most of whom I’d never heard of but that didn’t matter as they’re somebody, even if I don’t happen to know their names.  And they want me, little old anonymous me, to…  “Stay safe.  Stay home.”  They want me to know that.  “I’m not alone in this and they care.”  And, “We’ll get through this and get through this together.”  And, I’m having a hard time today writing this down on my computer because, because of all the tears.  All the tears that are running down my cheeks.  I mean, who knew?

And they’re right too.  We will get through this.  There will come a day when we turn on the TV or log onto the internet and we’ll know it’s over because we won’t see Dr. Fauci.  This has to happen.  This day must come.  This Kung Flu thing will go the way of the H1N1, the Ebola, the Spanish Flu and even the Black Plague.  And we’ll know it’s over as this little gnome of a man Dr. Fauci will no longer be seen.  Dr. Fauci will walk in the footsteps of Jeffrey Epstein, Matt Lauer and Monica Lewinsky.  They’ll be no more video, no more pictures, no memes no # Dr. Fauci.  Just gone, poof!  And, that day is somewhere up ahead and we’ll get there, together, all of us.  Or well, at least most of us.

So cue the music Mr. Curry.

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Sunday, May 3, 2020


Why You Gotta Be So Rude?
There is a neighborhood just down the road and we like to think of it as East Egg because there are Mansions there that look like the Great Gatsby could have lived in them.  Well actually these homes are beyond just Gatsby’s, as Gatsby lived in West Egg.  Daisy lived in East Egg where the real money was.  And, as I wandered through this wonderland of private streets, elaborate gardens and huge Mansions, I saw Landscapers hard at work, mowing lawns, trimming hedges and keeping the Mansions ready for when Daisy and Jay Gatsby come back, hand in hand.

And I realized that these Landscapers, these nameless, unknown men are getting the job done while all around them people jog and stroll.  And, some of these people jogging and strolling aren’t even wearing masks.  And these joggers and strollers are obviously paying no attention to the ‘Stay Home Stay Safe’ Fatwas issued by the City, State and Federal Governments.  Then I realized theses Landscapers, these hardworking men well…  They’re heroes. 

I mean the, Landscapers could get the Chinese, Wuhan Kung Flu as these hardworking men are on the front lines, literally.  And we think it’s time to take a moment and honor these brave men.  So, here’s to the Landscapers, God Bless Them, Heroes All.

And disturbing news had been coming out of North Korea.  Some sources were saying that Kim Jong Un had unsuccessful heart surgery and wound up in a vegetative state.  Other sources were saying he was dead.  Now we’ve made fun of him so many times over the years, that we think of him as a friend.  I mean the guy loves to eat, drink and party into the late, night hours.  Kim Jong Un also loves the NBA and Jackie Chan movies.  What’s not to like there?  And Kim Jong loves one of the guys from the old neighborhood and our friend, Donald John Trump, 45th President of the United States.  And Kim Jong Un had his brother whacked, just like Michael Corleone did.  And King Jong Un loves to set off ballistic missiles like they’re fireworks on the 4th of July, so we would have been real, sorry to hear he was gone.

But good news, as Kim Jung Un popped up alive and well on May 1 which is May Day.  May Day is the biggest day of the year if you’re a commie, so there was no holding him back.  And, it seems that reports of his demise, as Mark Twain put it years ago “were greatly exaggerated”.  Or as we would say today, just more fake news. 

And we’re happy too because while most of the world thinks of Kim Jong Un as this crazy guy who wanted to set off nuclear Armageddon, try to remember that in North Korea or properly put, The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, he is… a hero.  And this world always needs heroes.

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Sunday, April 26, 2020

The Great Kung Flu Crisis

Dr. Fauci bobblehead unveiled, portion of proceeds going to 100 ...

Back in March Dr. Fauci told us that 2.2 million Americans were going to die of the Kung Flu.  Then he amended the total to 1.7 million Americans were going to die of this Chinese, Wuhan Kung Flu.  Then in April he changed the figures again this time he said that somewhere between 100,000 and 240,000 Americans would die of the Kung Flu.  Now if you owned a business and needed help, would you hire this guy?

Now no one is keeping tabs on suicides during this The Great Kung Flu Crisis but a quick poll among our staff revealed that 90% of us have had suicidal ideation in the last few weeks.  While this is not a scientific poll by any means, we have some numbers here, so we can just throw them out there, like everyone else is doing.  And, if we extrapolate those figures like everyone else is doing with no regard to science, math or common sense, this would mean that 90% the American people have pondered.  “To be or not to be…” in the last few weeks.

We love how our celebrities come on during commercials and tell us to “Stay safe.  Stay home.”  Psst, psst celebrities, everything is closed.  There is nowhere to go.  We’re already home.  For some of us it’s safe there, for others…

And the one great mystery of this The Great Kung Flu Crisis is, why were people buying toilet paper?  Can someone please explain.  And, we don’t want any speculation here.  We want to hear from people who have a few closets or an entire bedroom stacked wall to wall, with rolls of toilet paper.  Why did you do it?  You, can use the comments section below or PM us at dfabmd@aol.com

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Sunday, April 5, 2020

Doing Nothing or Nothing to Do or Just Nothing

Sweet Doing Nothing, 1877 - Auguste Toulmouche - WikiArt.org

I ventured out of the house last Friday morning, carefully walking the streets avoiding anyone that came within in fifty feet of me.  That wasn’t too hard, as there aren’t too many people out.  Then I came to the corner where the school is and there standing as she always does every day, was the Crossing Guard.  Now the school of course is closed and there are almost no cars on the road, so she basically has nothing to do.  You might ask why is she even there?  But then I realized as everyone knows, that 90 percent of any job is showing up.  So, when there is nothing to do, showing up is the whole thing or 100 percent of the job.  And, she’s doing her job.  She’s getting it done.  Also, if she doesn’t show up, nothing, will get done without her.

Then it dawned on me that most of us are experiencing Doing Nothing or having Nothing to Do or Just Nothing for the first time in a long time and for some, the first time in their lives. What to do when what to do, is nothing?
With that in mind it’s important to remember the wisdom handed down through the ages about Doing Nothing, Nothing to Do or Just Nothing.

“Sometimes nothing is a real cool hand.”  Cool Hand Luke.

“I love to talk about nothing.  It is the only thing I know anything about.”  Oscar Wilde

“Who says nothing is impossible.  I’ve been doing nothing for years.”  Anonymous.

“The tough thing about doing nothing is, you never know when you’re finished.’  Kevin O’Keefe.

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Sunday, March 29, 2020

Dee, Dee, Dee Dee

Rod Serling on Writing - Go Into The Story

In case anyone wonders what, it has been like in New York City the last few weeks, it’s been like that old black and white TV show, The Twilight Zone.  We just don’t know which episode we’re in.  It seems like one with Aliens.  Maybe the Aliens are living next door or down the street, or they’re all on a hill just outside of town in Scarsdale.  But they’re here.

And, they are going to take over and soon.  They look and speak and dress just like us so we can’t even tell who the aliens are.  In fact, most of us don’t have any idea that they’re even here.  But some of us know.  We’re not sure who that is as yet but they are trying desperately to warn us.  One of those in the know could be our Governor Cuomo The Younger.  Another could be Dr. Fauci, no, probably Dr. Brix.  It’s definitely not Mayor De Blasio.  He doesn’t have a clue.  He never does.  And it’s not Joe Biden.  He might be one of them.  How does this all end?  Will the those in the know be able to warn us in time?  Or will the Aliens eat us?  That’s why they’re here.  We’re dinner.

Or it could be one of those episodes where we are in another dimension.  We wake up in our bed and everything seems fine but then we look around and something is askew.  Then something else doesn’t quite fit and then we realize we’re not at home.  We’re somewhere else but where?  And, how to get back?  We don’t know what to do.  We only know we have to find a lot of toilet paper.  Somehow, that is the key to it all.

Or it could be one those episodes where we find ourselves in an old, idyllic, little town in rural America around 1890.  It’s summer.  The sun is shining bright.  There is a brass band playing.  Kids are running about, playing and laughing.  Young couples are walking, hand and hand.  It’s all just perfect.  There is only one problem, we’re dead.  The train or the plane crashed or we just had enough and checked out on our own but it’s over.  It’s all over.  And somehow, that’s a good thing.

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