Man Of The Year 2021

In a year filled with mediocrity, boredom and that old ennui, who else to better typify 2021, than James Earl Carter, former naval officer, peanut farmer and 39th President of the United States.  As a naval officer he was nothing special.  As a peanut farmer, well the government helped his family out.  And, as President he would fall in with Martin Van Buren, Benjamin Harrison and Chester A. Arthur not the worst U.S. Presidents in history but names, most likely to be met with, who?

"Jimmuh" as his friends called him added "malaise" to the American political landscape, as his Administration managed to create both double digit inflation and double digit interest rates.  Something no one did before him or after either.  So who better to represent this year 2021, a year that saw more of the Kung Flu, more people out of work, more businesses failing and the constant visage on our TV and computer screens of one Michael Fauci, supposedly an M.D.  Talk about malaise.

The year began with the Academy Awards being held in a train station, as if all involved had somewhere else to go and fast.  Then the awards were given to a whole bunch of movies that no one saw.  Part of the reason was the Kung Flu kept people out of the theaters but the other part is, they were just a bunch of movies no one would ever want to see.  The year, went downhill from there.

We thought of making The Vaccine as the non person, no pronoun necessary, Thing A Ma Jig of The Year but then well people took The Vaccine and got the Kung Flu anyway.  Other people took The Vaccine and died.  And, then well a whole lot of people just didn't take The Vaccine, so it didn't make it to the top of our list.

Readers of this column who are familiar with our awards know that James Earl Carter is the Man of The Year because he is a man.  If we were to give this to J-Lo or Madonna it would be the Woman of The Year and so on and so forth for a Boy of The Year, a Girl of The Year, Non binary of The Year or a Thing A Ma Jig of The Year.

Other reasons to give James Earl Carter this award, other than his mediocrity and malaise, is he survived brain cancer, he hasn't annoyed anyone lately and he's 97 years old.  Somebody should give him something before it's too late.

Runners up for this year's award were J-Lo again, always a bridesmaid never a bride, at least here, but we always think of her, she's awesome, Bill Belichick who's Patriots went nowhere in 2021, William Shatner who took a small step for a man, Doja Cat and of course The Vaccine.

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Things You Didn't Need to Know

 

First up, The Rock, Dwayne Johnson has confirmed the rumors that he does pee in a water bottle while working out.  He wants to make it clear that he never reuses those bottles.  And, The Rock only pees in them after he drank all the water out first. Then, they're used for pee.  And, once the bottle is peed in, it's thrown away.  Just in case you were a fan and you've been following him around hoping you could drink out of a water bottle used by The Rock.  Don't worry you're safe.  Unless it tasted funny after you stole a sip.

Now why would he pee in a bottle while working out?  Does he have some kind of a urine fetish.  No, The Rock likes to work out in Iron First gyms and those places are for men who are real serious about pumping iron.  And, those places don't have bathrooms.  So, there's nowhere to pee.  That's why The Rock uses the bottle for his pee.  We guess that real men don't need to pee or they can hold it in or well, like the title here says, things you didn't need to know.

The there is Joe Rogan Podcaster Supreme who has more followers than just about everybody and certainly a whole lot more than all the Talking Heads and The Cognoscenti of The Known World.  But Joe has three hours to fill everyday so he recently got around to talking about how he is so flexible that he could suck his own...  Oops that's a little too crude for us, a family show.  But Joe says he is so flexible that he could perform fellatio on himself.  There, that's better.  Of course Joe goes on to say he's never actually done it.  Something we kind of doubt.  We mean if he could actually reach it.  But Joe says he is just that flexible.

Now Joe Rogan is also a comedian, so we're not sure how serious he is about this but then once again, this is something, you didn't need to know.

And, this out of Glasgow Scotland from the Climate Change crowd, the world as we know it is coming to an end.  So says Paul Behrens a Professor in Climate Change.  It's all coming to an end unless the world's richest nations cut out their use of oil and gas and cough up 100 billion.  Since there is a snow balls chance in hell of that ever happening well, it looks like it's the end.

Of course the New York Post Editorial that reported all this also points out that the Climate Change crowd  have been singing this same tune since 1972.  Back then they gave the planet only ten years.  In 1982 they didn't say oops we made a mistake.  No, they just made the same prediction again and they've been doing that ever since.  They think no one is paying attention to their dire predictions and they just might be right.  But if they're also right that the world is coming to an end, do you really want to know?

So, even if they're right we have to file this under Things You Didn't Need to Know.

And, yeah that's The Rock in the picture on top of this article and that's the world burning up behind him.

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email is dfabmd@aol.com