Love and Consequence

Since it is now 2023 and Valentine's day is about a month and a half away, love just might be be in the air and along with it, the consequence of relationships.  Michelle Obama, former first lady and wife of Barak Obama admitted in an interview that for 10 years she couldn't stand her husband.  Now, we harbor no ill will towards any President and have none towards former President Obama, but there were a whole lot of people who couldn't stand her husband for about 8 years.  They felt her pain.  Maybe they could all get together and talk in a big zoom conference?  It could be cathartic, as some people seem to still hold a grudge.  We don't of course.  We think it's silly to get mad at Presidents.  Sort of like getting mad at actors George Lazenby or Timothy Dalton, when they played James Bond.

Now you may not have heard about this love affair, as not too many people watch Good Morning America on ABC but both of the morning anchors T.J.Holmes and Amy Robach are having an affair.  This got a whole lot of people who run ABC all upset.  They suspended both of them.  Why?  We can't fathom.  Okay they were both married to other people when serendipity struck but puhleeze!  We mean with all the men who have been molesting women in the TV world, at least Amy really likes T.J..  And, ABC should be thrilled about that headline.  And, what with the CNN guys getting arrested and convicted of pedophilia, why would two consenting adults even raise an eyebrow?  BTW they've both left their previous spouses.  So this could be true love.  ABC, have a heart!  Free T.J. and Amy and put them back on the air.

And, there is precedent here too, Joe and Mika.  They met as co-anchors of a show known as Morning  Joe and then well things happened as they do and eventually they got married.  Not sure who was married to who when they met but nobody cared.  Nobody got suspended.  Maybe somebody should tell ABC about that.  ABC might not be aware of Joe and Mika, as nobody and we mean nobody, watches that show.

And, SBF aka Same Bankman-Fried who is confined to his Mommy and Daddy's house while he awaits trial, got a visit from Tiffany Fong.  That's her pictured above.  She says they met in the library of that house and it was all strictly business.  She's a Crypto Influencer and we're guessing she had a few questions for the Crypto King, so that's why she was there.  And, to those of you who say we just use any excuse to put a picture of a beautiful woman at the top of our column, we say, you're just haters.

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SBF Sam Bankman-Fried

We like that handle, SBF.  How many individuals ever get to be known by a three initial handle?  It was stylish for awhile for Presidents FDR, DDE, JFK and then LBJ.  But then it fell out of style.  Nixon was never RMN and Jimmy Carter was never JEC.  There was no ring there.  A lot of people get known by a few initials in their handle like J.D. Salinger, P.T. Barnum and D.B. Cooper but not too many people ever get that the three initial handle.

At first the Mass Hysteria referred to him by his whole name Sam Bankman-Fried but then slowly but surely, everyone, maybe just tired of typing all those letters, began to use the three initial moniker SBF.  We like it because the B in it smacks of something sinister, like the BTK killer.  It also has an artistic touch, like the boy band BTS from South Korea.  It also has a certain ring to it like cha-ching, the sound of money being rung up in an old style cash register.  And, that's the major problem for SBF.  He figured out how to ring it up, he just doesn't know right now, where it all went.  And, when you do that, a whole lot of people with three initial handles in their job title, like Special Agent FBI and Prosecutor DOJ, come looking for you.

Ole SBF has other problems too.  Like a decent haircut or hair style for one thing.  But the real big problem at the moment, is his long time girl friend has gone solo.  She's thrown him under the Bus.  She's singing to the Feds.  And while she maybe skinny, it's going to have the same effect as when the fat lady at the Opera sings.  

And, while SBF does his time and it may be a long stretch, as the DOJ insists on it, when you steal billions, it might dawn on him that he should have listened to Beyonce when she sang. 

"You can't be mad.  

Cause if you liked it you should have put a ring on it."  

There is this thing called spousal immunity.  

And, we don't care how "woke" you might be when you first saw a picture of Caroline Ellison, SBF's longtime girlfriend pictured right here, 

you thought.  'The guy's a billionaire and he can't do any better than that?'.  Or maybe you thought how old is she?  She looks happy here, like she just got her braces off.

And, as 2023 comes into view, we can see that there will be heroes and zeros.  And then, there will be  some people who will go from hero to zero.  SBF, Crypto King, who used to hob knob with the rich and the fabulous, gets to be the first.

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Some People Had A Very Good Year 2022

First up Dr. Fauci.  Now you may be thinking but wait a second this guy speaks out of both sides of his mouth and sometimes in the same sentence.  He's the face of lockdowns, masks and vaccines, none of which worked.  He's like a bad joke no one wants to hear anymore.  How could he have had a good year?  Well, it seems that during the pandemic Dr. Fauci's net worth almost doubled.  He was worth 7.6 million before the pandemic began and by the end of 2021 he was worth 12.6 million.  

How did you do while sitting home, wearing masks and getting jabbed?

Then in 2022 some non-profit gave him $901,400 for "speaking truth to power".  Not sure how they figured that, since he was The Guy.  Who was he speaking to, himself?  But either way, when you add up all the bucks, The Guy, had a very good year.

Next up Harry and Meghan.  What?  You may say.  They just put out a Netflix series that just about everyone hates.  We mean the audience score from Rotten Tomatoes was a measly 12%, which might be some kind of a record.  And, they too have become a bad joke, no one wants to hear but... Ah, there's the rub.  They got 100 million dollars.  That's $100,000,000.00 to put it in a sign, your eyes can't miss.  And they got all that dough, to tell about how they met, dated and how their families suck.  The first and second parts are something you bore your friends to death about and the third thing...  You sit or lie on a couch and pay good money to a qualified individual, to listen to.  So while their names may be mud right now in the public forum, when you add up all the bucks, they had a very good year.

Then there is Sam Bankman-Fried the Crypto currency King who amassed a 32 billion dollar empire.  Yeah, yeah it's all come undone in the last week and he's in jail but he didn't get arrested until December 12, 2022.  That means there was only 20 days left in 2022, at the time of his arrest.  So, he got to spend the other 245 days of 2022 doing whatever the Wolf of Wall Street greed is good crowd, do.  Of course 2023 won't be so hot or the next 25 years either but 2022?  He'll look back on that fondly.

Last but certainly not least, Elon Musk.  Elon has rocket ships, electric cars and he bought Twitter.  He's a bona fide Billionaire and maybe the richest man in the world.  And, he doesn't get upset when people say nasty things about him.  He just Tweets back something funny.  We like his style.  He really had a good year and we wish him many more to come.

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Some People Had A Really Bad Year

First up Amber Heard.  She started the year off as Aquaman's love interest in what looks like series of movies that will spawn many sequels.  And, she was also a bonified member of the Metoo victim class with her claims that her ex-husband and well known actor Johnny Depp, beat her.  She ended the year down 10 million or so and everyone now knows she liked to use her bed, the one with Johnny Depp in it, as a toilet.  Somewhere echoing amid the background music in this sad, little tale, is the old saying.  "You'll never work in this town again."

Next up, Todd and Julie Chrisley who were the stars of their own reality TV show 'Chrisley Knows Best'.  With Todd the Real Estate tycoon in charge of his empire holding court on this TV show.  But then reality caught up to them.  Turns out the Real Estate Empire was built on fraudulent loans they got from banks and money they didn't pay the IRS.  Now, they're both starting their 12 year stretch in Federal Prison and they have to cough up 17 million, in fines.  Maybe Chrisley Knows Best wasn't the best idea as a title or a career choice either.  When you're a thief, it's not a good idea to show off the stolen merch on TV.  Maybe the background music here could be, "Jailhouse Rock."

Then there was poor Will Smith.  He must have wondered as we did, what with all the allegations of abuse by the hands of powerful men in both Hollyweird and the Mass Hysteria...  Why didn't one of those women have a husband, a boyfriend, an older brother, a younger brother or an uncle, who could have smacked the crap out of those nasty guys?  If they had, wouldn't that have been great?  Then Will Smith must have taken it one step farther.  Why don't I, me, Will Smith, be that guy?

So Will must have worked it out with his good friend Chris Rock.  They figured that since Chris was one of the Hosts at the Academy Awards all they had to do is have Chris say something nasty about Will's wife actress Jada Smith.  Then Will would come up and smack him.  But like they say, the best laid plans of mice and men.  

So, while Chris is 5 feet 10 inches tall, he's a real skinny guy.  And, Will, well he's over 6 feet tall and heavier, a lot heavier.  So when he smacked Chris it didn't look like the scene in the movie where the good guy gives the bad guy what he deserves.  No, it looked like the big kid beating up the little kid.  And, the camera wasn't set up right.  If they would have taken the shot from behind and below Will, it wouldn't have looked so bad.  Chris would have looked taller, bigger.  And, there wasn't enough light.  The optics were bad, really bad.

So Will Smith had to go on an apology tour which never works.  When you're cast as the bad guy, the mob nowadays, doesn't want to hear you're sorry.  They want blood.  So, of course that didn't work.  But now Will has a movie coming out and just before Christmas too.  So, maybe in the spirit of the season, people will forgive.  Or maybe, with the mob having all these other people to skewer in the last year, people have just forgotten.  So, maybe they go and see the movie.  Then again, maybe the background music to this sad, little tale just might be, "Thanks For The Memories."

All in all, some people won't be sad to see 2022 end.  They had a really bad year.

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Our Man Of The Year 2022

Well, it was almost Elon Musk.  We mean the man who bought Twitter and announced.  "This is a battle for the future of civilization.  If free speech is lost even in America, tyranny is all that lies ahead."  

But then we looked at the numbers.  77.8 million Americans are on Twitter and like wow!  But that also means that 252.2 million Americans are not.  A further look at the numbers reveals that only 45 million of those tweeters use Twitter on a daily basis.  That means 285 million Americans or 86% of the population, do not.  This means that most Americans never, even look at it.  So, if your tweet got banned, as one of ours was, odds were, no one was going to see it anyway.  Boo hoo babies.

Of course Elon also has space ships and rockets but so far they've only gone up and down.  They haven't gone, where no one has gone before.  They haven't gone anywhere at all.  Except up and down.  Of course he has his electric cars but only the rich can afford them.  So, sorry Elon, not this year.  But maybe next year.

And, that brings us to the guy above.  The Man Who Would Be King.  We mean, he has been the Man Who Would Be King for decades and now, he is King Charles the III.  He got over being dumped by Princess Di and skewered by all her followers in and out of the Mass Hysteria, for quite a few decades.  Then he got to marry the woman he loved and unlike the other guy who tried that, he got the Crown too.  Also, somewhere along the way he lost that nerdy, doofus looking persona he used to have and now, he looks distinguished.  Maybe it's the white hair or maybe the guy just added some character along the way.  Some people do.  Either way, as you can plainly see, if anyone ever looked like a King, it's this guy.  

So, here's to our 2022 Man Of The Year, King Charles III.  Long live the King.

Runner ups were Amy Schneider Jeopardy Champion of Champions, who would have been our Woman Of The Year or Transgendered Woman Of The year, whichever she preferred.  Great Thunberg who would have been our Kid Of The Year.  Then it was a toss up between Amber Heard, Kanye West and whole bunch of  people who got fired over there at CNN, all of whom shed a river of tears.  If any one of them had been picked, they would have been our Cry Baby Of The Year.

But cheer up also rans and everyone else too.  As, they used to say in Brooklyn for their beloved Dodgers and now they say it up in the Bronx for the Yankees.  Wait till next year.

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Election Reflections

On Tuesday November 8, 2022 voters elected Tony De Luca to the U. S. House of Representatives in Pennsylvania and Barbara Cooper to the State House of Tennessee.  Then in Chula Vista California, Simon Silva, was leading in the race for City Attorney.  You may wonder why we take note of these three candidates when so many others were running?  And, the answer is, they were all dead, on Tuesday November 8, 2022.  Now, inquiring minds might wonder who would vote for a dead candidate?  Why dead voters, of course.

And, we still can't find out who won that election out in Chula Vista but does it matter?

And, Ron DeSantis crushed his opponent in the race for Governor of Florida.  And rumblings of DeSantis for President began shake the Political Arena from all corners of the The Mass Hysteria and even in certain quarters of the GOP.  Of course this would put DeSantis and Trump on a head to head collision course for the Republican nomination.  We can imagine the entire Political World shaking to its core.  And, we think this would be the biggest thing since John Cena took on Randy Orton in the WWE.  The WWE is World Wrestling Entertainment.  Of course, after a bunch of vicious Primary battles, and after the entire Political World has been shaken to its core, both candidates just might decide to run together.  One, as President and the other, as Vice President.  In which case, this would become the biggest thing since Dwayne The Rock Johnson came out of retirement and teamed up with John Cena, to take on The Miz and R-Truth in the WWE.

As we went to press, there were 6 Congressional districts where they are still counting the votes.  Back in the 1800's Americans could count up all the votes and know who won, when the Sun came up in the morning.  In the 1900's even though the population had grown in leaps and bounds Americans again, could count up all the votes by sunrise.  But now in the 21st Century, even with computers, the counting of votes, eludes us.  

Maybe it's the result of the poor education system in America.  Maybe the knowledge of how to count will disappear the same way the knowledge of how the hell did they build those pyramids, was taken to the grave, with the ancient Egyptians and Mesoamericans.  Maybe democracy doesn't die because this or that candidate gets elected or The Supreme Court gets something woefully wrong.  Maybe this whole thing disappears not like the ancient Greek and Romans, because of some fatal flaw or slow moral decline but just because, we couldn't count.

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We Needed That

Tom Brady wistfully admitted that he watches every New England Patriots game.  In case you didn't know, Tom Brady used to be the Quarterback of the New England Patriots and for twenty years too.  They won six Super Bowls together.  Then Tom bolted through free agency, to sign with The Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  And, even though Tom won another Super Bowl with Tampa Bay, he admitted that he still dutifully, watches every Patriots game, just like every other tried and true Patriots fan, who gave their heart to that ballclub.

We're not sure if Tom's statement is like 'Citizen Kane' mouthing "Rosebud" with his last dying breath.  Or it's Rick in 'Casablanca' when he tells Ilsa.  "We'll always have Paris."  But we're thinking it's something akin to that.  We mean life is hard, people and things die or pass on but then, well, some people are able to put it in perspective, give it meaning with some poignant words.  Words, that soothe the soul and give all of us hope, to carry on.  So, thank you Tom Brady.  We needed that.

And, while we're on the subject of The NFL, The Jets beat the Bills!  OMG!  No that was double OMG!!  Now some of us here are old enough to remember January 12, 1969 when Joe Namath and the Jets won their only Super Bowl but most Jet fans nowadays, weren't even born yet.  The best memories for most Jet fans of today, is their team managed to get to the AFC Championship game twice, where they lost.  Not much to hang on to.  But last Sunday The Jets beat the division leading rivals and showed the world that these Jets, these 2022 Jets, are for real.  So, thank you New York Jets.  We needed that.

As Nick Cannon celebrates the coming of his 12th child by his 6th baby's mommy, a Psychologist Jo Hemmings, thinks that Nick maybe be on a quest to validate his masculinity both emotionally and physically.  Psychologist and Relationship coach Jo Hemmings, also said that this could be addictive for Nick Cannon.  And, we all know that addiction of any kind, whether it be drugs, alcohol or even sex, is bad, very bad.  But this is all good news for the rest of the male population.  Why?  Because the men here and rest out there, now know, we don't have to follow in Nick's footsteps, to validate our masculinity.  We are free to do other things like playing ball, drinking and chasing women.  And, we can use condoms too  We don't have to get anyone pregnant.  Or get STDs either.  So, on behalf of men everywhere, thank you Psychologist and Relationship Coach, Jo Hemmings.  We needed that.

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Whatever Happened To...

Whatever happened to Greta Thunberg?  We haven't heard from her in awhile.  You must remember her.  She was the poster child for Global Warming, which is now called Climate Change.  She famously exclaimed with a twisted, angry face, "How dare you!" to the adults of this world because they were all ruining the planet.  But lately...  Where is she?  Was her sail boat lost at sea, as she made her way around the world to warn the human race?  Or did she simply outgrow her role as the angry, petulant child, in the same manner as a whole boat load and think Titanic size boat here, of child actors, who disappeared as puberty took hold?  

Will we ever hear from here again?  Will she emerge ten years from now with a book about the long, arduous journey of her young life.  You know the story by now.  How she was an innocent child mouthing words she really didn't understand?  And, there was heartbreak too on this journey.  She didn't get the role of Wednesday in the new Adams Family movies.  And she wanted it so bad.  Then, there was abuse both physical and sexual.  And of course there was the whole downward spiral into alcohol and drugs.  You know those tell all books.  And, we have the title for her too.  'How Dare You!'.

And whatever happened to Chris Wallace?  And, it wasn't so long ago.  At one point he was the face of Fox News, their lead guy.  Then he signed a megadeal with CNN to the tune of  8 or 10 million a year to be the lead guy on their new Streaming service.  But CNN got sold and the guy who hired Chris got dumped and nobody signed on to the CNN Streaming service and it got dumped.  So then Chris got a show 'Talking To Chris Wallace' which if you have nothing to do on your weekends, you might have seen.  But not a whole lot of other people have.  In fact, reruns of Seinfeld draw a larger audience than 'Talking To Chris Wallace'.  It seems some people still want to talk to Chris Wallace but not too many want to watch.  Maybe old newscasters never die, they just fade away.

And what happened to those guys who used to call everyday to tell you your car warranty had expired.  Mine was still in full force and I would tell them that.  But now, well my car warranty has expired.  And, they never call.

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Getting The Last...

A Florida man Oscar Salazar stabbed his wife Byanca to death in the middle of an argument.  Then the man slit his own throat.  Talk about getting the last word in.

And former NY Times editor James Bennet lashed out a Publisher AG Sulzberger for not having his back when the staff and the subscribers of the NY Times were outraged at him and his career went in the toilet.  He had to resign.  Why were they all outraged?  Well Mr. Bennet let Senator Tom Cotton pen an Op-Ed on the pages of the NY Times.  Mr. Bennett was only the editor.  He didn't write anything, not a word.  But he allowed Senator Cotton who was a republican of all things, to write on the hallowed editorial pages of the NY Times.  We're not sure what happened to writing a letter to the Editor in response.  But the powers that be at The NY Times seemed to have had the last word here.  Bennet was driven to the cornfields over this, two years ago.  But now, Bennett is back and letting it all hang out, even if it's two years later.  In big bold letters of the the NY Post, Bennet said of  AG Sulzberger "He set me on fire and threw me in the garbage."  

Maybe Bennett is 'a has been' with his career in the rear view mirror but this only accentuates the importance, of getting the last word in.  Maybe there's a book coming with a few more last words?

And Conor Kennedy Scion of the Kennedy family.  BTW did you know what a Scion is?  We didn't.  We had to look it up which doesn't happen too often but it means 'a young twig or shoot of a plant'.  And, it also means 'a descendant of a notable family'.  Conor is the grandson of Bobby Kennedy.  Get it now, Scion?  You think maybe he's going to run for something?

But The Young Twig Conor just got back from fighting in the Ukraine or so he says.  He didn't tell anyone he was going, as he didn't want anyone to worry.  And, he didn't tell anyone who he was, when he got there.  He didn't want to be treated any differently.  Like the Ukrainians might know or give two bleeps.  And The Young Twig Conor said he had "no prior military training but he could carry heavy things and he was willing to die for Ukraine".  He's back now, so that last part didn't happen.  And, we're guessing he came back so he could get the last word in.  We mean, if he died in Ukraine who would do that for him, since no one knew he was there and the Ukrainians didn't know who he was?  And, how could he run for office if, he was dead?  Vote?  Yes. Run?  We're not so sure.

And yeah that's a picture of Taylor Swift at the head of this article.  The Young Twig Conor used to date her and we figured you'd rather look at her than some anonymous murder/suicide guy or a washed up ex-Editor of the NY Times or even a shot of The Young Twig himself.

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Maybe Not So Hot

With Gisele Bundchen saying she's had it with Tom Brady, it might be time to note that Brady may be considered the G.O.A.T. in terms of NFL Quarterbacks and he's won 7 super bowls but he's 0 for 2 in the major relationships department.  His baby's momma who he had a long relationship with, is the very beautiful and accomplished actress Bridgette Moynihan and she threw him out.  And, when one woman throws you out, well it might be things just didn't work.  But when a second woman throws you out, well, maybe you're not so hot.

And Bill Gates is quoted as saying that "a civil war is coming" in the United States.  It will be preceded by a hung election and then well, all hell will break loose.  Now, a whole lot of people including us, are trying to get his exact words but he seems to have said them at a conference held by Forbes magazine and no one can find an actual transcript or a recording.  As if that stuff matters anymore.  We're willing to stipulate that his words may have been taken out of context but then Bill Gates is another guy whose wife has just thrown him out, saying she's had enough.  So, maybe it doesn't matter what he actually said, as maybe he's not so hot either.  Yeah, yeah he's got billions but so do a lot of other people nowadays.

And we're not sure what is crazier.  The things that come out of the mouth of Kanye West or the people who repeat and react to them.  And, yeah Kim threw him out too but then well Kim threw a lot of guys out, so that doesn't automatically mean he's not so hot.  Not yet.

And Vladimir Putin celebrated his 70th birthday the other day and the Ukrainians blew up one of his bridges and real big one that leads from Russia to Crimea, to celebrate.  And, the Ukrainians are advancing on the Russian held Kherson and a whole lot of other places.  And yeah ole Vlad, he's not so hot anymore either.

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That Moment When...

For Vladimir Putin it was that moment when he was announcing that he was calling up 300,000 conscripts to go fight in Ukraine.  Back in February the Russians formerly known as the Evil Empire invaded the Ukraine from north, south and east.  At first Russian troops and tanks just rolled along like it was 1956 in Budapest but then...  Well they kind of bogged down outside of the Ukrainian capitol Kyiv.  At which point Vlad said that all was going according to the plan.  Then the Russians got pushed back in a few places but Vlad once again said all was going according to the plan.  And, in the last few weeks the Ukrainians launched a counter offensive and the Russian troops have been running the other way.  So, as Vlad read from the teleprompter about calling up men formally known as civilians, he had to have that moment, when he realized that things just weren't going according to the plan.

For Meghan Markle there was that moment as she followed behind the casket of Queen Elizabeth II, when a single tear rolled down her cheek.  You could say she was moved to tears at the passing of Britain's Longest reigning Queen but then she looked angry not bereft and it could have been the moment.  

It was not so long ago when Harry met Meghan and they got hitched.  But Harry is the second son and unless the oldest son meets an untimely end, he and Megan would be left to play second fiddle to that oldest son William and his wife Kate.  So, someone hatched what seemed like the brilliant idea of renouncing their royal titles and going to live with the common folk in America.  Soon a contract from Netflix for over a hundred million followed but then Meghan's first project got cancelled.  Seems like Netflix realized if they weren't royals then she was just a washed up ex-TV actress and Harry a....  Well what is an ex-royal?  Nothing really, not even a washed up ex-TV actor.

Then the Queen died and Harry and Megan were left out of certain ceremonies and had to sit in the back with well... the common folk which is what they are now.  Then came that single tear rolling down the angry cheek of Meghan.  That could have been the moment when she realized that things, just hadn't gone according to the plan.

And for Kanye it happened yesterday.  Maybe he should have realized it when Kim split and then started dating Pete Davidson and she and Pete posted all kinds of PDA all over social media.  But then Kim threw Pete out, saying he was too young and well "hope springs eternal".  Kanye must have planned of some great reunion but then well yesterday he must have had that moment.  He took to Instagram to post a picture of Kim with her new svelte figure and said.  "London I know how you feel.  I lost my Queen too."

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"An Ounce Of Prevention Is Worth A Pound Of Cure"

That's a few words of wisdom from ole Ben Franklin that we're quoting in the title here because we all sort of got caught with our pants down during the last crisis, the pandemic, aka The Kung Flu.  So we have to to go over what worked and what didn't.  The do's and don'ts if you will.  

Now a whole lot of people ran out and bought up all the toilet paper.  And, it must have worked, as most of us are still here.

And, most of us about 83% of us got the vaccine which didn't work, as the CDC the Center for Disease Control reports that the Kung Flu is still creating 60,831 cases a day, causing 391 deaths a day and 4,311 hospitalizations a day.

And, the masks did nothing, as most everyone has just thrown them away with no discernable effect.

So, now we need to prepare for the next crisis.  And, trust us on this, there will be another one.  Not tomorrow, not next week but soon and we need to get ready.  So here goes.

1. Buy up toilet paper and do it now before the shelves go bare.  As we mentioned it must have worked and it's a non perishable item, so it won't spoil.  

2. Sign up for whatever government program or programs that give out money.  Don't worry if you qualify or not.  The worst that could happen is they say no.  If you commit fraud in the process, not to worry as there will be millions, if not tens of millions of people doing the same thing, so they can't possibly catch more than a few.  The odds are way in your favor.  It doesn't even seem, as if they're looking too hard for anyone after these last big handouts.  

3.  If there are emergency loan programs, apply.  There are not a lot of articles on this but more than a enough to give them credence, and they're about how the rich and famous got the emergency loans and then couldn't repay them.  Why should you?

4.  Do not watch the news or talk shows or any regular TV that always has breaking news or bulletins.  Stick to Netflix or your favorite streaming service.  This will keep the incessant stream of hysteria and misinformation to a minimum.  Check the internet once or twice a week at most, just to see if the world is still out there.  Not watching the TV will also spare you from having to listen to every nitwit celebrity telling you to "stay safe" like they know you and give a bleep.

This has been what we call a public service announcement.

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Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

The FBI Agents who searched Mar-a-Lago got to do what a whole lot of men could only wish, hope and dream of doing, they got into Melania's panties.  We wondered if they sniffed them?  We're kind of thinking yeah here.

And, Robert Telles the Public Administrator for Clarke County who failed to win his primary so he could keep his job, was arrested for murder.  Seems the victim Jeff German, was a reporter who wrote some articles about Mr. Telles inappropriate conduct while in office and it probably cost Telles the election.  This is what can happen when someone realizes their wishes, hopes, and dreams just ain't gonna come true.  We call this, the dark side of wishes, hopes and dreams.

And Aaron Judge only needs 5 more home runs to break Roger Maris's record of 61 home runs in a single season!  Judge has 20 games left in the season to do it.  He could do it!  Aaron Judge could break Roger Maris's record!  The only thing wrong here is the steroid freaks McGwire, Sosa and Bonds have gone past that number years ago with Bonds topping out at 73 home runs in a single season.  So, if Judge does get to 62 home runs, it will only be a team record.  This is when wishes, hopes and dreams even when realized, just become ho hum and BFD.

And, Hillary Clinton, HerHillaryness says she will never run for President again.  That glass ceiling she thought she'd crack will stay in place, at least for now and the near future.  We guess, this is when wishes, hopes and dreams, just die.

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Truth or Rumor?

While rumors abound everywhere and rumors are not very trust worthy, sometimes today's rumors become tomorrow's historical facts.  For example JFK got whacked by the Mob.  That was a rumor among many other rumors and conspiracy theories for decades but now, well, pretty much everyone in the know, knows it to be true.  And, look for all future JFK conspiracy movies and books to zoom in on this.  The CIA, the FBI and LBJ conspiracy theories, are out.  Get used to the names Sam Giancana, Santo Trafficante and Carlos Marcello.  Another example, were the rumors circulating for the last few months that Leonardo DiCaprio was going to dump his girlfriend before she turned 25 as he dumps all his girlfriends before they turn 25.  Another one that was true.  So we are here to try and sift through the rumors, separating the wheat from the chaff for the benefit of truth, justice and the future historical record.

So here we go.

Rumor 1.  Mikhail Gorbachev was whacked.  He did not die of natural causes.  In the old days these guys were just sent to a Dacha to never be heard from again but this was before the poison pen and the uranium milk shake.  This could only be a rumor as Gorbachev was 91 but then maybe the old guy said a few things that Putin didn't like.

Rumor 2.  The were only two things found in Donald Trump's safe at Mar A' Largo.  Number one was a bunch of Taco Bell receipts ear marked for his Accountants, as business expenses, replete with hot sauce stains and number two, nude pictures of his wife.  Truth or Rumor?  We're hot on the case.

Rumor 3.  There is going to be a new cable news/streaming service called The Cornfield with Chris Cuomo, Brian Stelter, Jeffrey Toobin and Chris Wallace.  We're leaning rumor here but then who knows?  We like the lineup.

Rumor 4.  Is there a war in the Ukraine?  At first there were daily images of tanks burning, airplanes screaming through the skies and explosions reaching to the heavens.  But we all know by now that the Mass Hysteria is not above taking footage from one war and using it for another.  For example the war in Syria was a hodgepodge of clips from the Iraq war.  The Mass Hysteria even admitted it.  And now, there are almost no images or even any news about this war at all.  We lean truth here, that there is a war and the Mass Hysteria just got bored with it.  And, whatever happened to that Zelenskky guy?  He was on the news everyday and now?  Poison pen?  Uranium milkshake maybe?

Rumor 5.  The Yankees are still in a pennant race.  After breaking on top of their division with an almost insurmountable lead, the Yankees have taken a nose dive, going 20 and 31 in their last 51 games.  Falling out of the whole thing is entirely possible at this point.  Along with the forgone conclusion that the Yankees would win their 28th World Series this year, just turning out to be a rumor.  Oh say it ain't so!  Say it ain't so!

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Putin's Double

Reports of Vladimir Putin having everything from Parkinson's disease to cancer have been circulating in the media and on the internet for months.  Then there are reports that Putin has a double.  So, in the interests of truth, justice and journalism, we got on the case.  Since we go where the rest of the media fears to tread, we tracked down Putin's double.

NYUUGGEE "Thank you for coming in.  What do we call you by the way?"

Vlad 2 "You can call me Vlad 2.  It will help me stay in character and don't use my real name.  I signed an NDA."

NYUUGGEE "You're wearing a mask so you're face is partially covered but if you don't mind us saying you don't particularly look like Vladimir Putin."

Vlad 2 "Of course I let my hair grow back and I put the weight back on and stopped the anabolic steroids, so I no longer look like him.  The mask is for the Co-vid and the Monkey pox.  You can't be too careful in this world, as I've learned."

NYUUGGEE "How did you get this job?"

Vlad 2 "My agent called me."

NYUUGGEE "Agent?"

Vlad 2 "Yes I'm an actor and this was the role of a lifetime.  So I had my head shaved and I worked out for weeks and took the anabolic steroids and damn if I didn't look just like him."

NYUUGGEE "So the reports of Putin having a double are true?"

Vlad 2 "Oh yes and not just a double but there were three of us.  Vlad 1, he is the guy with Parkinson's.  Vlad 3 had the cancer.  Vlad himself, he's healthy as a horse."

NYUUGGEE "Wow, so did you interact with the world's leaders?"

Vlad 2 "Yes sometimes.  Sometimes it was Vlad 1 or Vlad 3.  No one meets with the real Vlad anymore. The real Vlad said the world's leaders are all a bunch of silly actors or just plain dumb asses.  The only one I met was Boris Johnson.  At first I thought Boris Johnson was just drunk but then I realized he had to be high on something too.  If I had to guess I'd say Mollies."

NYUUGGEE "Do you speak Russian?  Do you and Putin have similar voices?"

Vlad 2 "No, no.  Most of the time you just walk out and pose for pictures.  If you actually meet someone like Boris Johnson, the Interpreter is with you and you just nod your head.  Then the Interpreter speaks to you in Russian and then you just whisper in the Interpreter's ear.  Then he gives the answer.  Besides that Boris guy was high, I could have said anything.  And, Vlad 3 met with Biden and he said Biden was out to lunch.  He even spoke to Biden in Russian and English.  Said Biden had no idea what he'd said.  Said Biden just asked where he could get an ice cream cone.  Hey they didn't like Vlad 3 speaking but under the circumstances, it didn't really matter."

NYUUGGEE "So how come you're back in the States?"

Vlad 2 "Oh someone noticed that our ears are a different size.  So I was on the next plane back to Newark.  That's where I'm from Jersey, Metuchen to be exact.  I heard they brought in two other guys."

NYUUGGEE "Two?"

Vlad 2 "Yeah I heard the cancer got Vlad 3.  That was one story.  The other was one of Putin's Mistresses mistook Vlad 3 for Putin.  But that could just be a story.  You know how people make stuff up and gossip."

NYUUGGEE "Do we ever.  But now that this is all over, do you go back to acting?"

Vlad 2 "Yeah and what really sucks is I played the hell out of that role.  But I can't use it.  I signed that NDA.  And, besides, no one will believe me.  So, it's like I spent a year on Broadway but I was in a clown costume or I was a tree that talked and I wasn't even listed in the credits.  What a waste.  And, they don't even pay that much.  Just a bunch of Rubles which by the time you get done converting them to dollars, you're left with maybe a month's rent."

NYUUGGEE "Well that was a hell of an experience.  Maybe someday they'll make a movie out of it and you can play yourself."

Vlad 2 "Yeah, yeah and of course I'll be playing Putin too!  Sort of like Eddie Murphy did in the Nutty Professor movies and Tom Hardy did in 'Legend'.  Yeah yeah!  Thank you!  Thank you!  You've put a whole new perspective on this."

NYUUGGEE "That's why we're here."

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Media Matters

Things were afoot in the media, as usual but a few unique items caught our attention.  Take Kathy Tur of MSNBC pictured above.  She said.  "The people don't trust us."  Meaning the media or as we like to refer to them The Mass Hysteria.  She has come to this conclusion because a) she's in the media and on TV, so people must be yelling things at her when she walks around.  And b) the latest Gallup Poll that showed only 11 percent of the American people believe the Mass Hysteria.  She thinks this is a problem.  Now you would think that the rest of the Talking Heads in the Mass Hysteria would be chiming in on this but then, she's the only one.  No one else in the Mass Hysteria seems to have paid it much mind.  Then again maybe the Talking Heads don't believe the poll.  After all, polls are conducted by various elements in the Mass Hysteria.

Now Old Brains Biden has come down with the Kung Flu, despite four vaccine shots and walking around with a mask all the time. For those of you, you few, you precious few who are worried about Old Brains, he says he feels fine.  But then he's probably reading that off the teleprompter so you few, you precious few, maybe you should keep worrying.

Now a man in Colorado Barry Morphew, whose wife went missing back in May of 2020, copped a plea but not to anything related to her disappearance, like her murder.  No, he plead guilty to using her mail in ballot, to vote for Donald Trump.  And, people in this country think elections are legit.  But Barry Morphew said he had no idea that he couldn't use her ballot to vote for Trump.  His wife had wanted to vote for Trump and he figured The Donald could use the extra vote.  So, Barry knew his wife wouldn't mind or say anything either.

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Bill Clinton and The Interstellar Aliens

It seems that former President Bill Clinton showed up on the James Cordon Late Late show that airs after midnight, to tell how he sent agents into Area 51 to find out if interstellar Aliens had been coming to earth.  Our 42nd President felt that he, and all of us needed to know.  And, we think it's nice to find out that our 42nd President wasn't just sitting in the oval office getting BJ's and smoking a cigar but was hot on the case of interstellar Aliens coming to earth.  He even sent in his chief of staff John Podesta and his number one Minister of Plenipotentiary Sandy Berger, into area 51, to seek the truth.  This sort of reminds us of the Sci-fi movie 'Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter' where our 16th President is fighting the Civil War by day and killing Vampires by night.  They call these type of movies, mixed genre.  It's where you take two established movie genres like a Civil War movie and a Vampire movie and mix them together.  Another movie of this kind was 'Cowboys and Aliens' where they took a Western and threw in some interstellar Aliens.  They even had Daniel Craig aka James Bond, as one of the Cowboys.

Now you may wonder why Billy Bob Clinton would show up on TV and a Late Late show that airs after midnight.  Well we're kind of thinking that no one has been paying too much attention to ole Billy Bob anymore.  His antics as President that everyone thought were cute at the time, are not looked at in the same manner nowadays.  And maybe, just maybe he'd like people to see him in a different light.  Not the guy who "Did not have sexual relations with that woman." but then left the mess on her dress while smoking a cigar.  Maybe he'd like it if someone made a movie called.  'Bill Clinton Alien Hunter'.

We kind of see George Clooney or Harrison Ford or hell, ole Billy Bob could even play himself.  We think he's that good of an actor.  And, then maybe, well maybe, everyone would forget the mess on her dress, the BJ's and the cigar.

What do you think?

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Who'd A Thunk it?

For all you men out there this one really has to hurt.  Seems when Pete Davidson told Kim Kardashian.  "Let's get some ice cream.  Let's go to Thrifty's."  Well...  How can we put this since we're a family channel...  She just melted.  Actually, in the interest of accuracy and journalism in general we have to use her actual language and she said when Pete said that she got "so f*cking horny".  Sorry about that.  But who knew?  We mean guys, think about all the money you spent on dinners, concerts, trips to somewhere, rings, not to mention mortgage payments and maybe all you had to do was head to Thrifty's for some ice cream.  Who'd a' thunk it?

And Prince Charles the Man Who Would Be King and sooner than later, has been admonished by members of the Prime Minister's Cabinet for making political statements.  Seems Bonnie Prince Charlie the Man Who Would Be King and sooner than you may think, has spoken out against the current government policy of relocating asylum seekers to Rwanda.  And the Politicos say that's not his job!  But Charlies is The Prince of Wales, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Lord of the Isles, Barron of Renfrew, Prince and Steward of Great Scotland and soon to be The King!  What are they saying here, that all that doesn't mean a thing, anymore?  And, it used to be good to be The King.  Ahh who'd a' thunk it?

And who'd a' thunk this one.  Californians fed up with high crime, high taxes, high cost of living and the homeless everywhere they turn, are now not just fleeing to Texas and Arizona but also to Mexico!  Especially if they work remotely or if they can buy a home close to the border so they can commute easily.  This in turn is driving housing prices up in Mexico.  Mexican citizens are outraged as they are being priced out of their own neighborhoods!  Oh, the humanity! 

Maybe they should build a wall. 

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A Symbol For Our Time?

We've been discussing this for the last few weeks around here and it's what Amber Heard left in the bed for Johnny Depp to find, when he woke up.  We've been wondering if that little pile of human residue might stand for something.  Something more than just a little pile.  It has left an indelible image, as once seen, it can hardly be unseen. Maybe it's a symbol of the times we live in?  Maybe it's even iconic?

Take the Kung Flu... please.  Perhaps it should be the mask, as the symbol of what The Pandemic was all about.  But then after two years they told us that most of the masks we were all wearing didn't work.  We should have been wearing the NK95 mask.  All the rest, the paper ones that Surgeons wear on TV shows, the bandannas that made the wearer look like he was going to hold up the next Stagecoach and especially the cloth ones that most of us were wearing, as you could wash them and use them again, well... They just weren't up to par.  They didn't really offer any protection.  But then we had to keep wearing the masks, the paper ones, the bandannas and the cloth ones, none of which worked.  And, we've noticed lately that people are discarding the masks even though the case load is roaring along at 105,000 cases a day.  So the mask just wouldn't suffice, as a symbol of The Pandemic.  No, we're all coming around to the idea that the symbol of The Pandemic, should be what Amber left in the bed for Johnny, when he woke up. 

Take the price of a gallon of gasoline.  You could just take a picture of the sign at the gas station as the price keeps rising and it gets over $5.00 and say that says it all.  But does it really?  Does it measure all the exasperation, the pain and the anger as rising prices drain your wallet?  Not hardly.  Would a picture of Old Brains Biden with a caption 'What Me Worry' suffice?  No, the poor man's mind is gone.  He doesn't know.  No, the real symbol of The Great Gas Debacle of 2022 is more like what Amber left in the bed for Johnny, when he woke up. 

Maybe we should make a Poster or a Flag?  There's already an emoji for it. No, a statue.  Then it would really be iconic.  But no, people would object, protest and demonstrate, again. What could be more boring than that? No, maybe since the image is so indelible and once seen cannot be unseen, maybe all we need do is recall it, whenever and wherever it applies.

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