Hitler's To Do List

 

Found just last week was Da Fuhrer, Adolph Hitler’s To Do List.  We can’t tell you where we found it as we can’t expose our sources.  But naturally we got it, as we go where the rest of the media fears to tread.  

 

Things for Da Fuhrer to do... 

   

1. 1. Have a Seder in The Reichstag.

 

2. 2. Recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. 

 

3. 3. Try to find peace in the Middle East.  This has befuddled the world’s leaders but after all I am Da Fuhrer!  Maybe I’ll forget about the Palestinians and start with Bahrain, the U.A.E. and a few other countries? 

 

4. 4. Bring troops home from foreign wars and don’t start any new wars that never seem to end. 

 

5. 5. Get Serbia and Kosovo to make peace. 

 

6. 6. Make friends with Kim Jong-un. 

 

Okay, okay we just realized we can’t fool our readers.  You’re all too smart.  There was no Israel in the era of Da Fuhrer.  And, the only war going on in the Middle East was the one Da Fuhrer was trying to win.  And there was no North Korea either.  So, we have to fess up here.  We got this out of the White House and then we sort of altered it to fit the Fuhrer if he were around now.  We did that because a whole lot of the Talking Heads and The Cognoscenti of The Known World think Donald John Trump 45th President of the United States, is Hitler.  And, we’re pretty sure if Da Fuhrer were alive today, this is what he’d be up too.  Obviously. 

 

 

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Just Wondering

 

We were just wondering about certain things.  First up, if the masks work, why does anyone have the Kung Flu anymore?  The Kung Flu is supposed to last 14 days.  But what the hell let’s tack on a few days.  Let’s make it 28 days, heck let’s make it 48 days.  People started putting on the masks in March and 48 days after sometime in March brings us to sometime in May.  So, if the masks worked, no one would have the Kung Flu by now, as we’re in September.  And, that brings us to our second source of wondering.  According to the Center for Disease Control 6,937,322 people got the Kung Flu.  Sadly 203,384 people have died.  The good news is 4,193,347 have recovered.  But that leaves 2,540,591 people left and we can’t help but wondering, what happened to them?  Are they still sick?  Have they all just left and gone away?  Ahh that might resolve our first issue though.  No one knows where they are or what happened to them.  Maybe they’re not wearing masks. 

 

That brings us to our next mystery.  Why is the democrat party running Old Brains Joe Biden for President?  Who would have made a better candidate you might ask?  And, the answer is anyone of the other 17 democrat candidates that ran in this election cycle.  Or anyone, who could string a few sentences together.  Old Brains is obviously senile.  And it’s sad.  So sad, that we might be done making fun of him.  We did notice that Old Brains Joe Biden wears a mask almost all the time.  The only time he doesn’t wear a mask is when he is in his basement and talking through the computer.  Or he is at an event where no one else has showed up, other than a few reporters, who are carefully spaced far enough away that they couldn’t possibly get the Kung Flu.  Other than that, Old Brains always wears the mask.  None of the other democrat candidates wore the mask, at least not as often.  We just might have answered this one too. 

 

 

This brings us to wondering why are all the restaurants and bars in NYC closed.  Because you can get in a car, drive over the George Washington Bridge and in just a few minutes, be sitting down to dinner in a restaurant in New Jersey?  We can’t figure this one out.  Maybe you can. 

 

And last but not least, I went to the gym yesterday morning and following the rules I wiped off the handles of the Elliptical machine before I got on it.  Then about a minute into my workout I started to wonder.  What if I missed a spot? 

 

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It's...

 Every once in a while, we like to trot out a quiz just to see if people are paying attention. 

 1) Nancy Pelosi had a bad hair day last week because. 

1. a.  She was set up.  

2. b.  She forgot her mask.  People her age forget things. 

3. c.  She didn’t know the hair salons in her neighborhood were closed because of the Kung Flu. 

4. d.  She just has bad hair, nothing will help.  

5. e.  She’s a total hypocrite. 

 

2) The NBA ratings are down 27% on some broadcasts and as much as 45% on others because. 

1. a.  Fans don’t realize the games are on because it’s August and September and the season usually ends in June.

2. b.  It’s the whole Kung Flu thing and people are so upset they can’t watch, even though they’re home almost all the time with nothing better to do. 

2. c.  The NBA got woke. 

3. d.  Due to the Kung Flu people became aware that celebrities and athletes of all kinds are neither essential or of much use to anyone.  Except to themselves, people who bet on their games and of course the bookies.

4. e.  A and B. 

5. f.  C and D. 

 

3) Joe Old Brains Biden doesn’t take questions from reporters because. 

1. a.  Having been in politics for 47 years he’s already answered all the questions. 

2. b.  He’s beyond reproach. 

3. c.  He’s senile. 

4. d.  He’s Joe Biden’s husband. 

 

4)  Kamala Harris is. 

1. a.  A tough, hardnosed, law and order Prosecutor from San Francisco. 

2. b.  A socialist/communist. 

3. c.  A failed Presidential candidate for the democrat party. 

4. d.  Joe Biden’s running mate. 

5. e.  None of the above. 

 

 

5) Yesterday was Labor Day and on Labor Day we celebrate. 

1. a.  A Department in the Federal Government. 

2. b.  Women who have babies. 

3. c.  A political party in England. 

4. d.  People who actually work for a living. 

5. e.  A and C. 

6. f.  B and C. 

7. g.  None of the above. 

 

For each correct answer give yourself 20 points.

 

Answers 1) The correct answer is e.  But give yourself 5 points if you chose a, b, or c, as all those excuses were in the news. 

2) The correct answer is f.  But if you picked c or d, give yourself 10 points because each answer is correct on its own.  If you picked a or b or e, give yourself 5 points, as you need some help. 

3) The correct answer is c, and if you haven’t figured that out, you’re beyond help. 

4) The correct answer is d, as that is her current status but give yourself 10 points if you picked a, b, or c, as she has been one of those things at one point or another. 

5) The correct answer is d. 

Results!  If you got 100 congratulations you know what is going on in this world and you’re most probably one of our regulars here.  If you scored 80 or above, you’re paying attention but you need to check in here a little more often.  If you scored between 60 and 80, well the world is sort of passing you by.  If you got anything less than 60, seek remedial help. 

 

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