Scenarios

We are dogged if nothing else and we follow things to the end.  And, with the finding of the remains of Brian Laundire, it is the end.  There will be no slow Bronco car chase or a trial that drags on for a year with Brian Laundrie proclaiming his innocence.  It wasn't him, it was the one-armed man, narco terrorists or since they were out in the wild, Bigfoot or maybe the Dingo.  And no Dateline type interview a few years later where Brian Laundrie finally admits he did it so he can get some more Reese's Pieces from the prison commissary and Xbox privilege.  No, it's over. 

  

And, the Mass Hysteria blew it.  They had the Nicole Simpson/Natalie Holloway scenario in play, complete with all the talk shows talking about nothing else for a year.  Then the hopes of a trial like the O.J. trial or a Scott Petersen one.  Yeah, there are no reports that Gabby Petito was pregnant like Laci Petersen but then they could just have some friend or family member say she wanted to have Brian's baby.  They don't need a real pregnancy.  No, the Mass Hysteria just plain blew it because they could have gone with the star-crossed lovers that could never be, scenario.  Think the classic ones, like Tristan and Isolde or Gatsby and Daisy or since they both die, Romeo and Juliet.  They could have milked that one for a long time.  Oh well, onto other things. 

 
 And, this could be it.  'Alec Baldwin Shoots Two'.  On the movie set of a western 'Rust', Alec Baldwin shot two people for real.  Tragically, one of them the Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins died.  The other, Director Joel Souza was wounded.  Now there are a few ways the Mass Hysteria can go with this.  One, as the movie people from 'Rust' are saying it was just a tragic accident with Alec wandering around in shock afterwards, wondering how someone gave him a "hot gun".  If that's the case then Alec goes on the Kelly Clarkson show cries, and well, it's all over. 

 
 The next scenario could be as one outlet put it 'Alec Unhinged'.  Alec just finally lost it.  This might really work, as Alec has a history of losing it and beating up photographers and screaming into telephones.  In this scenario, he and the Director had been clashing over their different artistic visions for the film.  And, Alec didn't like the way the Cinematographer made him look through the lens.  He thought she made him look fat.  So, he just lost it all and gunned them both down.  This could have some legs with all the Talking Heads and the Cognoscenti of the Known World weighing on the trial, mental illness in America and gun control. 

 
 Now the other way this could go is the Cinematographer is a blond and kind of attractive as you can see in the above picture.  She's no Nicole Simpson or even cute, little Gabby Petito but she's blond and attractive.  So, this could be the tragic end of a lover's triangle between The Director, The Beautiful Blond and The Jilted Star.  Then would come The Trial and whichever way the verdict went, there would be more hysteria on top of more hysteria.  Then the books would follow, lots of books and documentaries and movies.  This scenario, as they like to say would have legs. 

 
 Now you might be asking but what really happened?  To that, we sadly have to ask, does it matter? 

 
 Dicens simle factum est 

Pro Bono Publico 

 

The Chase and Outer Space

Like every other news outlet we're hot on the case of Brian Laundrie.  As we went to press.  Wait, hold that image.  All we do is hit a button.  Hell, it's 2021 and it's all digital.  But we like the image of an old style printing press shooting out thousands of copies like they used to do in the old black and white movies.  So as we went to press, Mr. Laundrie was still at large.  At large, despite fact that Dog the Bounty Hunter and John Walsh of American's Most Wanted Fame are both on the case. How is this possible you might ask?  We wonder that too.  Surely they will find him, surely.

And, we sincerely hope they do and soon, as a man named Severin Beckwith who just happened to look like Brian Laundrie, woke up to find a bunch of U.S. Marshalls breaking down his Motel door and putting guns in his face.  After looking for Brian Laundrie's tattoos that weren't on Severin Beckwith since he isn't Brian Laundrie, they let him go.  Lucky for Severin Beckwith, it wasn't Dog the Bounty Hunter breaking down his door.

And, William Shatner aka the original Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, rode into outer space for real.  He did this aboard Jeff Bezos's Blue Origin.  We're not sure if this is art imitating life or life imitating art or just a rehearsal for a new Twilight Zone episode.  William Shatner was in a couple of the old ones.  But we liked William Shatner's foray into Space.  Someone who didn't like it was Prince William aka The Duke of Cambridge, KG, KT, PC, ADC.  You know, Harry's older brother.  Prince William said that we should be focused on fixing our planet not looking for other planets to move to.  Now we're not completely sure but we're pretty sure, that Jeff Bezos's Blue Origin that William Shatner rode on, just goes up and down.  It can't go "Where no man has gone before".  Maybe Prince William doesn't get the whole art imitating life or life imitating art thing.  Maybe he's watched too many episodes of Star Trek or he's lost in that place that lies "between the pit of a man's fears and the summit of his knowledge" and he can see that "sign post up ahead" but misses a few other things along the way.  Maybe he needs Harry to come home.

Dicens simile factum est

Pro Bono Publico

Who'd A' Thunk It?

They're still looking for Brian Laundrie the boyfriend of Gabby Petito and we don't want to cast any aspersions about him like everyone else is doing.  We figure since he sort of almost married her.  He's sort of almost a widower.

Now a whole lot of people are beginning to realize from this whole affair that if you're young, cute, blond with good pictures and even better, video of you and you go missing, the Mass Hysteria will be all agog.  If you're Black, Hispanic, Asian, overweight or have a few teeth missing, they just don't care.  Even if there is good video of you.  They're calling it Missing White Woman Syndrome.  Seems there are all these other women who aren't cute, blond and missing and well, the Mass Hysteria just doesn't care.  Who'd a' thunk it?

And now we're learning from a new book 'It's Better to Be Feared", that it hasn't been all wine and roses up there in New England during the greatest team in NFL history's long victory run.  Seems Patriot's head coach Bill Belichick blew off another coach Eric Mangini's wife.  We're not sure what "blew off" means in this book.  It didn't sound sexual but it so enraged Eric Mangini that he almost beat the bleep out of Bill Belichick.  Mangini had to be restrained by a half a dozen assistant coaches.  Then there is the owner of the New England Patriots Robert Kraft who called Bill Belichick.  "The biggest asshole of my life."  Wow.  So like we said it wasn't all roses and lollipops up there, even with all the Super Bowl wins.  Who'd a' thunk it? 

And, sweet, ever smiling Katie Couric who was most recently one of the many Guest Hosts of Jeopardy where she was still ever smiling and sweet, has just written a book.  And in that book she just trashed everyone from Prince Harry who  "oozed the stench of of cigarettes and booze out of every pore" to Martha Stewart to Deborah Norville to OMG Diane Sawyer of all people.  Well, Katie thought they were all turds, even while she was all sweet and smiling towards them. 

Now this might all have to do with the fact that Katie's career hit the skids a few years back and she's now reduced to having a Podcast on Yahoo.  That no one watches by the way.  So, it could all just be sour grapes.  But it could also mean that the sweetness and smiles were just as fake as a whole lot of things we see nowadays and she was just gnashing her teeth the whole time. 

 Who'd a' thunk it?

Dicens simile factum est

Pro Bono Publico

dfabmd@aol.com