Quiz Time

A few times a year we like to have a quiz just to make sure everyone is paying attention.  And as 2021 comes to a close, now seems as good a time as any.

First up Jussie Smollett was in the news in 2021 because...

A.  Jussie was mugged by two MAGA hat wearing white guys who told him it was Giuliani time and they put a noose around his neck.

B.  Jussie claimed he was abducted by Aliens from a galaxy far far away, who were wearing MAGA hats and they said they didn't like Gays and they put a noose around his neck

C.  Jussie created a hoax where he said he was mugged by two white guys but they were really two of his friends who he had rehearsed the whole thing with and he put the noose around his own neck.

D.  All of the above.

Next up, Alec Baldwin who was in the news this year because...

A.  Alec starred in a Western named Rust.

B.  Alec cried during a TV interview.

C.  Alec shot two people.

D.  Alec claimed he didn't know the gun was loaded.

E.  All of the above.

And, Governor Andrew Cuomo was in the news 2021 because...

A.  Andrew was the Governor of New York State and thought of as "Presidential" by a whole lot of the Cognoscenti of The Known World for his handling of the Kung Flu crisis in New York State.

B.  Andrew is the brother of Chris Cuomo former News Anchor at CNN.

C.  Andrew was forced to resign as Governor of New York State despite a whole lot of the Cognoscenti of The Known World describing him as "Presidential" because a whole lot of women claimed he sexually harassed them.

D.  Andrew got 5.1 million to write a book about how he handled the Kung Flu crisis in New York.

E.  Andrew was told to return the 5.1 million for his book by the New York State Ethics committee who Andrew in turn told.  'Sorry too late, I spent it.'

F.  All of the above.

Last but certainly not least Ghislaine Maxwell was in the news because...

A.  Ghislaine's lover of many years died tragically and a Youtube video of her singing 'La Vi En Rose', went viral.

B.  Ghislaine has a cooking show called 'Eat, As If This Is Your Last Meal'.

C.  Ghislaine lured, seduced and groomed little girls for the rich and famous.

D.  Ghislaine was one of former President Billy Bob's girlfriends.

E.  All of the above.

Now it's time to tally it all up.  For every correct answer give yourself 25 points.

Answers

Question 1.  The correct answer is C but if you picked A give yourself 5 points because that was in the news a lot.  We would like to add that in a sane world, someone would have taken this kid to the Psych Ward when he showed up with the noose around his neck.  Actually, it's not too late.

Question 2.  The correct answer is E all of the above and again give yourself 5 points if you picked any of the others as each answer was correct on its own.

Question 3.  The correct answer is F and again give yourself 5 points if you picked any of the other answers as they were all true on their own.  And, while the answer E is true, we know that wasn't in the news.  But since we go where the Mass Hysteria fears to tread, we even got the actual quote which was "Tough bleep bitches, I spent it."  We cleaned it up a little, as this is a family channel.

Question 4.  The correct answer is C but give yourself 10 points if you picked D as the two of them spent a lot of time together in planes, on that Island and in the White House, so something probably happened.  And, when we say Billy Bob's girlfriend we don't mean an actual relationship.  A hot five minutes somewhere, counts.

If you got a 100 Congratulations!  You're a Winner!  Sorry, we have nothing to send you what with all the Chain Supply Thing /a' Ma Jig, and all the inflation and the Kung Flu.  But hey, you won.  If you got anything less than a 80, seek help.  Unlike our other quizzes, this one was easy.

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Detours

Some of the once wonderous and beautiful people have had their lives take a detour lately.  But as they say, when one door closes another one opens.

First up, Ghislaine Maxwell.  Ghislaine went on trial last week in Federal Court down there at 40 Centre Street.  In case you didn't know or hadn't heard, she was the late Pedophile Jeffrey Epstein's paramour.  And, according to the Feds also his Procurer-in-chief.  It was she, the Feds say in a six count indictment, who recruited the young girls for Jeffrey and his friends.  Now some people think she'll get convicted.  That it's a done deal.  But other people think she can get off.  If, her Attorneys can paint Jeffrey Epstein as The Real Bad Guy and she as just another of his victims.  But that might be a long shot.  If so, we're afraid that the next door to open for Ghislaine, is the one at Allenwood Federal Correction Complex.

And Chris Cuomo has been fired at CNN!  Why?  Well, he helped his brother Andrew former Governor of New York and known affectionately around here as Cuomo The Younger, fight the many allegations of sexual abuse that were coming so fast most of us couldn't keep count.  So, Chris helped out his brother!  Who can blame him?  Well CNN can!  It seems Chris broke the rules over there at CNN!  We're using a lot of ! ! here, as this is shocking!  We didn't know CNN had any rules.

Where to go from here for Chris?  Well there's MSNBC where they took on Brian 'The Iraqis were shooting at me." Williams.  Oh wait, CNN's ratings are lower than MSNBC's.  Well there's always Mark Cuban's old cable channel AXS, where Dan Rather languished rather anonymously for a decade or so.  Then there's Sirius XM, a radio outlet, where Dan Rather also languished for a few more years.  And, of course Chris could run for higher office.  The New York Governor's race is wide open right now.

And Carrie Bourassa a self described "Indigenous feminist", "proud Metis" and Professor at  the University of Saskatchewan, has been fired.  She was also an expert on Indigenous issues, probably because she claimed to be Inuit, Anishinaabe, and Tinge.  Those are Indigenous tribes in Canada.  There must be a lot of money or something else of great value to being a Native American in the world of Academia.  As we all know Carrie Bourassa is not the first to pull this off.  But just like her counterpart here in the US of A, someone went and looked up her family tree.  And, all they found were a bunch of white people from Europe.  That's when she got the heave ho.

Where do you go after you've been fired and outed as phony Native American?  Well we looked this up, seems Canada has a House of Commons and a Senate.  Where else would she go?  Besides, who else to represent the Inuit, Anishinaabe and the Tinge?

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Man Of The Year 2021

In a year filled with mediocrity, boredom and that old ennui, who else to better typify 2021, than James Earl Carter, former naval officer, peanut farmer and 39th President of the United States.  As a naval officer he was nothing special.  As a peanut farmer, well the government helped his family out.  And, as President he would fall in with Martin Van Buren, Benjamin Harrison and Chester A. Arthur not the worst U.S. Presidents in history but names, most likely to be met with, who?

"Jimmuh" as his friends called him added "malaise" to the American political landscape, as his Administration managed to create both double digit inflation and double digit interest rates.  Something no one did before him or after either.  So who better to represent this year 2021, a year that saw more of the Kung Flu, more people out of work, more businesses failing and the constant visage on our TV and computer screens of one Michael Fauci, supposedly an M.D.  Talk about malaise.

The year began with the Academy Awards being held in a train station, as if all involved had somewhere else to go and fast.  Then the awards were given to a whole bunch of movies that no one saw.  Part of the reason was the Kung Flu kept people out of the theaters but the other part is, they were just a bunch of movies no one would ever want to see.  The year, went downhill from there.

We thought of making The Vaccine as the non person, no pronoun necessary, Thing A Ma Jig of The Year but then well people took The Vaccine and got the Kung Flu anyway.  Other people took The Vaccine and died.  And, then well a whole lot of people just didn't take The Vaccine, so it didn't make it to the top of our list.

Readers of this column who are familiar with our awards know that James Earl Carter is the Man of The Year because he is a man.  If we were to give this to J-Lo or Madonna it would be the Woman of The Year and so on and so forth for a Boy of The Year, a Girl of The Year, Non binary of The Year or a Thing A Ma Jig of The Year.

Other reasons to give James Earl Carter this award, other than his mediocrity and malaise, is he survived brain cancer, he hasn't annoyed anyone lately and he's 97 years old.  Somebody should give him something before it's too late.

Runners up for this year's award were J-Lo again, always a bridesmaid never a bride, at least here, but we always think of her, she's awesome, Bill Belichick who's Patriots went nowhere in 2021, William Shatner who took a small step for a man, Doja Cat and of course The Vaccine.

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Things You Didn't Need to Know

 

First up, The Rock, Dwayne Johnson has confirmed the rumors that he does pee in a water bottle while working out.  He wants to make it clear that he never reuses those bottles.  And, The Rock only pees in them after he drank all the water out first. Then, they're used for pee.  And, once the bottle is peed in, it's thrown away.  Just in case you were a fan and you've been following him around hoping you could drink out of a water bottle used by The Rock.  Don't worry you're safe.  Unless it tasted funny after you stole a sip.

Now why would he pee in a bottle while working out?  Does he have some kind of a urine fetish.  No, The Rock likes to work out in Iron First gyms and those places are for men who are real serious about pumping iron.  And, those places don't have bathrooms.  So, there's nowhere to pee.  That's why The Rock uses the bottle for his pee.  We guess that real men don't need to pee or they can hold it in or well, like the title here says, things you didn't need to know.

The there is Joe Rogan Podcaster Supreme who has more followers than just about everybody and certainly a whole lot more than all the Talking Heads and The Cognoscenti of The Known World.  But Joe has three hours to fill everyday so he recently got around to talking about how he is so flexible that he could suck his own...  Oops that's a little too crude for us, a family show.  But Joe says he is so flexible that he could perform fellatio on himself.  There, that's better.  Of course Joe goes on to say he's never actually done it.  Something we kind of doubt.  We mean if he could actually reach it.  But Joe says he is just that flexible.

Now Joe Rogan is also a comedian, so we're not sure how serious he is about this but then once again, this is something, you didn't need to know.

And, this out of Glasgow Scotland from the Climate Change crowd, the world as we know it is coming to an end.  So says Paul Behrens a Professor in Climate Change.  It's all coming to an end unless the world's richest nations cut out their use of oil and gas and cough up 100 billion.  Since there is a snow balls chance in hell of that ever happening well, it looks like it's the end.

Of course the New York Post Editorial that reported all this also points out that the Climate Change crowd  have been singing this same tune since 1972.  Back then they gave the planet only ten years.  In 1982 they didn't say oops we made a mistake.  No, they just made the same prediction again and they've been doing that ever since.  They think no one is paying attention to their dire predictions and they just might be right.  But if they're also right that the world is coming to an end, do you really want to know?

So, even if they're right we have to file this under Things You Didn't Need to Know.

And, yeah that's The Rock in the picture on top of this article and that's the world burning up behind him.

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Scenarios

We are dogged if nothing else and we follow things to the end.  And, with the finding of the remains of Brian Laundire, it is the end.  There will be no slow Bronco car chase or a trial that drags on for a year with Brian Laundrie proclaiming his innocence.  It wasn't him, it was the one-armed man, narco terrorists or since they were out in the wild, Bigfoot or maybe the Dingo.  And no Dateline type interview a few years later where Brian Laundrie finally admits he did it so he can get some more Reese's Pieces from the prison commissary and Xbox privilege.  No, it's over. 

  

And, the Mass Hysteria blew it.  They had the Nicole Simpson/Natalie Holloway scenario in play, complete with all the talk shows talking about nothing else for a year.  Then the hopes of a trial like the O.J. trial or a Scott Petersen one.  Yeah, there are no reports that Gabby Petito was pregnant like Laci Petersen but then they could just have some friend or family member say she wanted to have Brian's baby.  They don't need a real pregnancy.  No, the Mass Hysteria just plain blew it because they could have gone with the star-crossed lovers that could never be, scenario.  Think the classic ones, like Tristan and Isolde or Gatsby and Daisy or since they both die, Romeo and Juliet.  They could have milked that one for a long time.  Oh well, onto other things. 

 
 And, this could be it.  'Alec Baldwin Shoots Two'.  On the movie set of a western 'Rust', Alec Baldwin shot two people for real.  Tragically, one of them the Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins died.  The other, Director Joel Souza was wounded.  Now there are a few ways the Mass Hysteria can go with this.  One, as the movie people from 'Rust' are saying it was just a tragic accident with Alec wandering around in shock afterwards, wondering how someone gave him a "hot gun".  If that's the case then Alec goes on the Kelly Clarkson show cries, and well, it's all over. 

 
 The next scenario could be as one outlet put it 'Alec Unhinged'.  Alec just finally lost it.  This might really work, as Alec has a history of losing it and beating up photographers and screaming into telephones.  In this scenario, he and the Director had been clashing over their different artistic visions for the film.  And, Alec didn't like the way the Cinematographer made him look through the lens.  He thought she made him look fat.  So, he just lost it all and gunned them both down.  This could have some legs with all the Talking Heads and the Cognoscenti of the Known World weighing on the trial, mental illness in America and gun control. 

 
 Now the other way this could go is the Cinematographer is a blond and kind of attractive as you can see in the above picture.  She's no Nicole Simpson or even cute, little Gabby Petito but she's blond and attractive.  So, this could be the tragic end of a lover's triangle between The Director, The Beautiful Blond and The Jilted Star.  Then would come The Trial and whichever way the verdict went, there would be more hysteria on top of more hysteria.  Then the books would follow, lots of books and documentaries and movies.  This scenario, as they like to say would have legs. 

 
 Now you might be asking but what really happened?  To that, we sadly have to ask, does it matter? 

 
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The Chase and Outer Space

Like every other news outlet we're hot on the case of Brian Laundrie.  As we went to press.  Wait, hold that image.  All we do is hit a button.  Hell, it's 2021 and it's all digital.  But we like the image of an old style printing press shooting out thousands of copies like they used to do in the old black and white movies.  So as we went to press, Mr. Laundrie was still at large.  At large, despite fact that Dog the Bounty Hunter and John Walsh of American's Most Wanted Fame are both on the case. How is this possible you might ask?  We wonder that too.  Surely they will find him, surely.

And, we sincerely hope they do and soon, as a man named Severin Beckwith who just happened to look like Brian Laundrie, woke up to find a bunch of U.S. Marshalls breaking down his Motel door and putting guns in his face.  After looking for Brian Laundrie's tattoos that weren't on Severin Beckwith since he isn't Brian Laundrie, they let him go.  Lucky for Severin Beckwith, it wasn't Dog the Bounty Hunter breaking down his door.

And, William Shatner aka the original Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, rode into outer space for real.  He did this aboard Jeff Bezos's Blue Origin.  We're not sure if this is art imitating life or life imitating art or just a rehearsal for a new Twilight Zone episode.  William Shatner was in a couple of the old ones.  But we liked William Shatner's foray into Space.  Someone who didn't like it was Prince William aka The Duke of Cambridge, KG, KT, PC, ADC.  You know, Harry's older brother.  Prince William said that we should be focused on fixing our planet not looking for other planets to move to.  Now we're not completely sure but we're pretty sure, that Jeff Bezos's Blue Origin that William Shatner rode on, just goes up and down.  It can't go "Where no man has gone before".  Maybe Prince William doesn't get the whole art imitating life or life imitating art thing.  Maybe he's watched too many episodes of Star Trek or he's lost in that place that lies "between the pit of a man's fears and the summit of his knowledge" and he can see that "sign post up ahead" but misses a few other things along the way.  Maybe he needs Harry to come home.

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Who'd A' Thunk It?

They're still looking for Brian Laundrie the boyfriend of Gabby Petito and we don't want to cast any aspersions about him like everyone else is doing.  We figure since he sort of almost married her.  He's sort of almost a widower.

Now a whole lot of people are beginning to realize from this whole affair that if you're young, cute, blond with good pictures and even better, video of you and you go missing, the Mass Hysteria will be all agog.  If you're Black, Hispanic, Asian, overweight or have a few teeth missing, they just don't care.  Even if there is good video of you.  They're calling it Missing White Woman Syndrome.  Seems there are all these other women who aren't cute, blond and missing and well, the Mass Hysteria just doesn't care.  Who'd a' thunk it?

And now we're learning from a new book 'It's Better to Be Feared", that it hasn't been all wine and roses up there in New England during the greatest team in NFL history's long victory run.  Seems Patriot's head coach Bill Belichick blew off another coach Eric Mangini's wife.  We're not sure what "blew off" means in this book.  It didn't sound sexual but it so enraged Eric Mangini that he almost beat the bleep out of Bill Belichick.  Mangini had to be restrained by a half a dozen assistant coaches.  Then there is the owner of the New England Patriots Robert Kraft who called Bill Belichick.  "The biggest asshole of my life."  Wow.  So like we said it wasn't all roses and lollipops up there, even with all the Super Bowl wins.  Who'd a' thunk it? 

And, sweet, ever smiling Katie Couric who was most recently one of the many Guest Hosts of Jeopardy where she was still ever smiling and sweet, has just written a book.  And in that book she just trashed everyone from Prince Harry who  "oozed the stench of of cigarettes and booze out of every pore" to Martha Stewart to Deborah Norville to OMG Diane Sawyer of all people.  Well, Katie thought they were all turds, even while she was all sweet and smiling towards them. 

Now this might all have to do with the fact that Katie's career hit the skids a few years back and she's now reduced to having a Podcast on Yahoo.  That no one watches by the way.  So, it could all just be sour grapes.  But it could also mean that the sweetness and smiles were just as fake as a whole lot of things we see nowadays and she was just gnashing her teeth the whole time. 

 Who'd a' thunk it?

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The $$ Have Been Added Up

Because we want to stay abreast of what's going on in the world our website is connected to a whole lot of news sites.  We get the news feed from a lot of sources.  This also left us open to receiving all kinds of emails from political candidates from all over the USA and from both major political parties too.

And, we noticed if you write back to them it doesn't matter what you tell them.  You can tell them their the greatest thing since sliced bread or biggest pile of do do, God ever made.  They in turn thank you for your support and tell you about how they are fighting the good fight.  Fighting with exactly whom?  Well not the Taliban that's for sure but the other guys, the bad guys.  You know the guys in the other party.  Since we get emails from candidates from both major parties claiming the other guys are the bad guys, we got confused and a little frightened.  Confused and frightened because well, what if they're both right?

But the message is always the same they are fighting the good fight because they care about you and they need your support.  What kind of support?  Well money!  What else!  And, specifically your money, since they are writing to you, their friend.

So we in turn decided to ask them for their support.  I mean we're friends aren't we?  We starting doing this about six months ago.  We ask them to support NYUUGGEE!  We've been asking for the similar amounts they ask for $35, $100 or $500 and one option that is even a little less, $15.  Now that $500 request might seem a little high and it would be for you or me.  But most every elected member of the House and Senate, especially the ones that have been there a while, are multi millionaires.  And, we tell them we need their support to keep NYUUGGEE! on the internet.

After six months we think it's time to add it all up, so here is the question.  How much do you think we've gotten?

A. $15,515.00.

B. $7,500.00.

C. $575.00.

D. $15.00.

E. $0.00.

If you picked A, you're a hopeless romantic.  You've watched the movie 27 Dresses at least 10 times.  If you picked B, you're an optimistic person, you look on the bright side of things.  You watch Ellen a lot.  If you picked C, you're a wishing and hoping type of person.  You play lotto a lot.  If you said D, you want to believe but you know better.  If you said E, you're right!  You win!  But sorry, we don't have any money to send you because as you can see, we didn't get any.

Seems politicians of every stripe know how to ask you for money, they just don't know how to return the favor.  Even if they care about you and they are your friend.

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The Times They Are A' Confusing

Everyone was aghast as President Old Brains looked at his watch during this somber ceremony and people wondered what was he thinking?  Well, that's not all that hard to figure out.  It was.

"Is it time to take a pill?  Did I eat lunch?  Didn't I just pee ten minutes ago?  Why do I have to pee so much?  When is lunch?"

And, we're pretty confident that was what was going on in his mind as that's what goes on in the minds of most people who are closing in on their 80th birthday and are Senile.  Now some of you might say but he's the President surely he has a lot on his mind.  And to that we say, really?

And, it's not like we don't understand.  We do.  We get confused too.  But lucky for us this is a print medium so if someone writes "transfaglemelicon", spell check tell us it's not word or even a bunch of words.  Then we make the correction.  

And, take the Kung Flu vaccine.  Please.  There are people saying take it and there are people saying don't take it.  And everyday we see stories about people who didn't take it and got the Kung Flu and stories about people who took the vaccine and got the Kung Flu.  Then there are people who died.  Some of whom got the vaccine and others didn't.  And, this goes on day after day after day.  What happens if we take the vaccine?  What happens if we don't?  And, if we make the wrong choice, will we die?

And, the way everyone yaks about this vaccine you would think it's the only one there ever was.  Like we don't get poked every year for the Flu, and there are no vaccines for Pneumonia, Tetanus not to mention all the shots kids get.  So like what's the big deal here?  

So, it's not just President Old Brains or the Elderly going Senile who are confused.  It's all of us.

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