Monday, December 30, 2019

Our Man of the Year Nicholas Cage

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First before all the PC crowd has a baby, Nicholas Cage is a man.  If we were to give this award to say to HerHillaryness, it would be Woman of the Year.  And, if we, were to give it to this award to Greta Thunberg, like that almost out of print and existence entity, Time Magazine, it would be Girl of the Year.  And, if Nicholas Cage writes in and says he wants to be Person of the Year, so be it.

Now you may ask just what did Nicholas Cage do in 2019 and the answer is nothing much.  Certainly nothing much in terms of Hollyweird and being in any kind of a movie that anyone saw.  I mean he went from an Academy Award winning actor to a guy in a bunch of strange movies that went straight to live streaming and nobody watched them.  And, if you stop to think about it most people have done nothing that anyone has paid much attention to either.  I mean most people have done things for family, friends and colleagues but nothing that the Mass Hysteria or The Cognoscenti of The Known World paid any attention to, just like Nicholas Cage.  So, in his new found ignominy Nicholas Cage has become just like us.  Striving, yearning for a bright new day and looking back on his life with a sense of wonder that asks, was it really so?  Was that me?  Did I do that, really do that?  Wow!

Runner Ups for this year’s award were; El Chapo Drug Kingpin Emeritus doing life plus 30 years, Prince Andrew BFF of the late Jeffrey Epstein, J-Lo, Summer Walker who is a new and up and coming singer and Kyle ‘Home Run’ Higashioka of the New York Yankees.

Happy New Year everyone!

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Monday, December 23, 2019

The Bench Jockey

We’ve come to this startling conclusion about the Never Trumpers in the Democrat Party, The Republican Party, The Conservative Party, The Green Party and any other party, also the Never Trumpers among the Talking Heads and the Cognoscenti of the Known World; they either never played baseball or they weren’t very good at it.

We know this because in baseball there is a character known as The Bench Jockey.  The Bench Jockey is a guy who won’t play today.  It could be that he pitched yesterday’s game or it just could be a guy who isn’t very good.  But he won’t play and since he has nothing else to do The Bench Jockey will hurl insults at the opposing team.  A more common term for this type of behavior, is needling.  The idea is to get under someone’s skin, upset them and get them off their game.  The Bench Jockey might make fun of an opposing player’s little idiosyncrasies like he has a funny gait when he runs or if a player makes an error.  But anything is fair game for The Bench Jockey so it can and does, get personal.  For an example if an opposing player is lazy in the field The Bench Jockey might refer to him as “Low Energy Jeb”.   If the opposing player may have run afoul of the law a few times, The Bench Jockey might call her “Crooked Hillary”.  If an opposing player is kind of guy who makes things up The Bench Jockey might call him “Fake News”. 

As we mentioned The Bench Jockey’s modus operandi, is to get the other player off their game.  If the opposing player is a good hitter and they go up to home plate after being reminded of their failings, they may get angry, yell back and then they might strike out instead of getting a hit.  The Bench Jockey can get real results.

The Bench Jockey reserves his insults almost exclusively, for the best players on the opposing team.  The bad players on the opposing team who are making outs when at bat and errors in the field are not worth wasting his breath on.

So when the Donald Himself needles the Never Trumpers and they become unglued we safely assume that, they never played baseball or if they did, they weren’t very good.  Because The Bench Jockey seems to be a guy, they never heard from before.

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