Mommy Can We Keep The Cat?

As the Late News media enters its last decade, let us return to yesteryear...

  

It is 1957 and an article appears in the Long Island Press about a cat caught in a tree.  Seems then 7 year old Dennis LaVista saw a cat in the tree, in front of his Garden Apartment on 77th Avenue in Kew Garden Hills, Queens.  Dennis had seen this cat before.  It hung around his block but he noticed something else.  It wasn't moving.  Dennis watched it for awhile and then ran and told his Mommy.

Mommy came outside and they both watched the cat.  The cat didn't move and they realized the cat was scared, frozen by fear and unable to move.  Mommy then went and dialed the Operator.  This is 1957, so there is no 911, 311 or any other designation for some need for city services.  You called the Operator and the Operator called the proper agency.  In this case, the Fire Department.

Now the Borough of Queens in 1957 is not the Queens of today.  It was a lot more rural.  There were no tall buildings and the Borough still had some farms near it's eastern border.  So the Fire Department didn't have that much to do, so they sent out a Truck with a ladder and the Firemen got the frightened cat out of the tree.  The Long Island Press didn't have that much to do either, so this was all dutifully reported in an article.  And the article ends with 7 year old Dennis LaVista asking.  "Mommy can we keep the cat?"

Well Dennis LaVista goes to P.S. 164 and the next day, when he shows up in school, he's a celebrity.  I guess we could all read back then but no one among all the all kids at P.S. 164 has ever known anyone who has been in the newspaper.  And as a hero, who saved a cat.  So everyone comes over to talk to Dennis about this and Dennis basks in the glow of celebrity.

Dennis also happens to sit next to the future editor of NYUUGGEE, and as we are getting ready to leave that day, Dennis first checks to make sure that there's no one else around but us and then he says.  "I never said that.  I knew we couldn't keep the cat.  I didn't even want to keep the cat."

Now you may be saying what's the BFD?  It's a cute little story on a slow news day and it gives the cute little story, a cute little ending.  But Dennis LaVista and the future editor of NYUUGGEE were  horrified, scarred for life maybe that Dennis was not only misquoted, but that a newspaper would just make up something, that was never said.

So as the Late News Media enters it's final decade, try to remember that Fake News is nothing new.  Fake News did not come about because of DJT 45th and 47th POTUS.  And Fake News did not come about when the Late News Media decided to play, It's All That Guy's Fault, sometime during President Bubba and W's Administrations.  Fake News has always been with us and it will outlast the Late News Media, long after its passing.

Just remember, as we always do, that 7 year old Dennis LaVista never asked.  "Mommy can we keep the cat?"

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Hang Down Your Head

"Hang down your head, Tom Dooley

Hang down your head and cry

Hang down your head, Tom Dooley

Poor boy, you're bound to die"*

Tom Dula pronounced Dooley, was a young man who couldn't help from sleeping with two women or some say three, at the same time.  And all of them were cousins, Laura, Anne and Pauline.  Well one of them Laura, was found stabbed to death.  Most people thought it was a jealous Anne, who stabbed Laura to death.  Anne was arrested and tried but then Tom Dula either because he saw the error of his ways, or he just couldn't stand to see another of his paramours die, confessed.  Tom Dula, said it was me and Anne had nothing to do with it.  Of course Anne, was then acquitted.

Now Tom Dula may have had some bumps in the road.  He was on the losing side in the Civil War and romantically he may have loved too often and too well, if not too wisely.  But he was, in the end, an honorable man.  He faced up to his demons.  Tom Dula was hung but the story of Tom Dula lives on.  It was a ballad by Thomas Land, that was sung through the decades, till someone recorded it in 1938.  The Kingston Trio has the most famous recording.

This ballad is included in 'American Songs of the Century' and is also one of the 'Top 100 of All Time Western Songs'.  It is a haunting and sorrowful ballad, about lost lives and lost love.

All of which brings us to modern day and one Lindsay Clancy.  Lindsay strangled her three children to death, then she slit her wrists and threw herself out the window.  She didn't use as much pressure on her wrists, as she did when she strangled her children and the window she jumped out of, was on the second floor.  So it was only filicide not filicide/suicide.

Of course she was arrested and tried but then a strange thing happened, a hung jury.  The poor woman suffers from depression and hears voices.  So she and her attorneys say.  And the doctors didn't give her the right meds.  And it's also postpartum depression and that's a killer.  The jury saw her in a wheelchair.  Her husband left her and well, she's lost her kids.  11 members of the jury felt sorry for her.  Juries are often ruled by emotion, not the law, or even common sense.

They hung Tom Dolley/Dula both in the song and in real life.  Lindsay Clancy may only be sent to a mental institution and don't be surprised if sometime in the future, she gets out of that wheelchair and with the right meds, she's ready to rejoin society.

Honor is a strange thing.  Some people are born with it and some people acquire it through a test of their will.  Then there are other people, people who you would least expect to have it and yet, they acquire it.  They acquire it, through tragedy, suffering and death.  Sometimes, their own.

They'll be no haunting and sorrowful ballads for Lindsay Clancy.

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*Thomas Land

Quiz Time

Get out your pencils and get ready, it's Quiz Time again.

Question 1.  

Meghan and Harry were in the news because.

A.  They moved to Manhattan where they can get chased by the Paparazzi.

B.  They moved back to Merry Ole England and were welcomed back to Buckingham Palace with open arms.

C.  They moved to Texas, where they will open a BBQ.

D.  They moved back to England, almost in silence.

Question 2.  

Art Garfunkel announced.

A.  He takes long distance walks in the United States, Japan, Europe and he can't find Paul Simon anywhere.

B.  He is collaborating on an album with Jelly Roll.

C. He goes for long distance walks in the United States, Japan, Europe and sometimes he can't remember what country he's in.

D.  He was thinking of leaving the U.S. of A. because of DJT 45th and 47th POTUS.

E.  Who is Art Garfunkel and why is this a question?

Question 3.  

DJT 45th and 47th POTUS  is thinking of giving New Mexico a new name.  The new name will be.

A.  47, as New Mexico is our 47th State and someone is also the 47th POTUS.

B.  Central Park West.

C.  New America

D.  Mara Largo II

Question 4.  Since last week was 9/11 we couldn't let that pass without a question about it.

Osama Bin Laden had his Myrmidons attack the World Trade Center on 9/11 because.

A.  They hate us.

B.  The terrorists wanted a win and the terrorists won.

C.  Osama wanted to get our F-16s out of Mecca

D  Osama and his Myrmidons are terrorists and attacking places especially big buildings, is what they do.

E.  Osama hated Donald John Trump.  Osama thought the New York City Entrepreneur, was just like Hitler.

Answers.

Question 1.  The answer is D.  It's kind of sad if you stop to think about it.  But gone are the days of the tell all books, the Netflix specials, the mad dash around Manhattan chased by the Paparazzi and even the cooking shows.

Question 2.  The answer is D but if you picked E, we'll give it to you.  Art Garfunkel's was the flip side of Simon and Garfunkel, and well, not too many people could pick him out of a crowd of two.

Question 3.  The answer is C.  This one was too easy but we're kind of partial to Central Park West and not just because we thought of it.  It has a certain ring to it.

Question 4.  The answer is C.  This one came right out of the horse's mouth but if you listened to The Late Media, you might have missed this and you might have gone with A or B.  They repeated those two ad nauseum.  So if you picked A or B give yourself 10 points.

Each question is worth 25 points and everyone should have gotten at least an 85 here, as this quiz was an easy one.  We like to give easy ones once in a while.  We want people to feel good about themselves.

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Broke

If you have had trouble logging on to the internet in the last week, it was Sydney Sweeny's fault.  She broke it.  That is according to the Know It All's and that's Sydney pictured above breaking the internet.  Hey don't complain to us.  We don't make the news.  We just report it.

And Don Lemon formerly of CNN said in an interview that now, he "can tell the truth".  Does that sound familiar?  It seems to be the constant refrain of a whole lot of people who were whisked out of the What Once Was The Main Stream Media aka the WOWTMSM  and sent off to the cornfields.  Now you might wonder what were they all telling us before?  Our guess is, you already know.  Somewhere along the way, the so called Main Stream Media got broke.  They lost their way.  We don't have the time or the space to list all the stories they made up, as opposed to the ones they just got wrong but its a long list.  Kind of like from New York to Miam or even L.A. if you play all the video.

BTW we're thinking of no longer calling it the What Once Was The Main Stream Media, aka the  WOWTMSM.  We're thinking,  The Late Media.  And not late, as in being late, or staying out late.  No, we mean late, as in dead. 

And the President of Iran Mashoud Pezeshkian, admitted that Iran's economy is in deep doo doo and going broke!  Of course he's not a President like a U.S. President or even the President of the Knights of Columbus, so whatever he says, doesn't mean diddly squat.  But if that guy admits bleep, is broke, it's broke for real.  Iran is not the internet and Pezeshkian, is not Sydney Sweeney.

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HisBubbaness R.I.P. ?

Rumor has it that HisBubbaness's health is failing and HerHillaryness is planning his funeral.  We kind of think HisBubbaness is planning it too.  Why would he be left out?  How could he be left out?  Well, we mean, other than being the belle of the ball.

Is it only us or do you think that HisBubbaness has already sent DJT 45th and 47th POTUS the remarks he should make?  Do you think HisBubbaness has also written his own eulogy?  Will there be any great lines read at the service?  We mean will someone say something that people can remember HisBubbaness by?  Other than, you know what.

That leads us to will Monica be at the funeral?  Of course she'll be there, but will she sit somewhere inside, or will she be out in the street?  Will the WOWTMSM show images of her at the funeral?  Will other outlets?  We're laying 4 to 5 on the former and taking no bets on the later.

Get ready because this funeral will be on every outlet, in the same manner that the slow car chase with O.J. was.  If you don't have streaming, or you haven't saved your old DVD player, you won't be able to watch anything else.  We think HerHillaryness will have a lot of hankies but no tears.  Monica on the other hand will have a lot of hankies and her tears will be there, for all to see.

Will HerHillaryness write a book?  Yes!  Will Monica write a book?  Yes!  Will they both have the same title, My Life With Bill?

Will Obama POTUS 44, and DJT POTUS 45 & 47 be laughing at HisBubbaness's funeral, as they were at Jimmy Carter's?  That's them at the top of this column at Jimmy Carter's funeral.  Let's hope not.  And, let's hope that rumors of HisBubbaness's funeral planning, like initial reports of Mark Twain's demise, are greatly exaggerated.

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Caprice Of Destiny

Luigi Mangione who in case you forgot, shot and killed a United Health Care employee and shot him because the guy was a United Health Care employee. That Luigi Mangione, just let a whole lot of people down.  

The shooting was captured on tape, so there was no doubt about what happened.  Just who was the shooter?  That got cleared up pretty quick, what with cameras everywhere and computerized everything.  Mangione was caught in a few days.

But once he was captured, the WOWTMSM wet their pants, as Luigi Mangione was a really good looking guy.  Not since John Dillinger, did the WOWTMSM have such a killer.  And in turn, Mangione collected overnight, a legion of young, good looking women.  Or so says the WOWTMSM.  It could be a case with the WOWTMSM just making things up.  Nothing new there.  But then again, maybe they just don't understand what a legion is, and six people might make up a legion in their minds.  It's hard to tell, which is which here.

And the WOWTMSM decided that this shooting, made it time, to discuss health care in America.

So, the WOWMSM got themselves geared up for another Trial of the Century!  This time with the issue of health care in America, in the offing.  But alas, "the best laid scheme o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley." as Mangione copped a plea.  No trial,  Boy, you could hear and feel the air rushing out of that balloon.  And now what would the legion of six do, except write love letters to and put money in the commissary of, one Luigi Mangione, in whatever prison he winds up in. 

By the way, didn't Obamacare solve the issue of Health Care in America?  What would the WOWTMSM talk about?  It costs too much?  Who's fault is that?

But no Trial of the Century for the WOWTMSM.  No breathless reporters standing in front of the Federal Court building in Foley Square, telling us all about the day's actions in court, the blow by blow, the low down.  No, legal analysts saying over and over again, how all it takes is just one juror.  One juror who hates the Health Care System.  One juror and Mangione walks free, to be gobbled up by his legion of beautiful young legionettes, who would have grown to maybe two dozen.  Two legions maybe?  But no, no, Mangione said. that magic word.  "Guilty."  So, it's over.  

Oh, what might have been!

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The King Of The Kung Flu

Dr. Fauci has become the darling of the media once again.  No, no longer the poster boy of the WOWTMSM for the Kung Flu.  No, this time, he's the darling of the Paparazzi.  The Paparazzi have begun to  camp outside his home where they can get pictures of him throwing out the garbage and going for walks with his wife.  Fauci does not look happy.  Mrs. Fauci doesn't look too happy either.  That's her in the picture above giving instructions to the Paparazzi.  Hey we get it.  Fauci used to be somebody.

Fauci used to be on every screen that the WOWTMSM had.  Fauci was on the cover of all the WOWTMSM's magazines.  Fauci told everyone to wear masks.  Fauci closed all the schools.  Fauci told us all to stay home, to stay safe.  Fauci told us all to believe the science.  And then, well, Fauci was the science.  Fauci told us to take the vaccine.  Hell take two, no three, four, five shots.  What the hell, the vaccine was safe.

And Fauci made a lot of money while he was at it too.  But like all con artists who play the game too long, the wheels began to come off.  But by then Fauci had exited stage left, retired with pension in hand and all the moola he made from the Kung Flu.  Fauci had his get out of Jail card too.

So when called before the Senate one more time, all Fauci had to do is give some lame ass excuses.  You've seen those acts.  The Senators bellow for the video clips and the folks back home, while the subject just yada, yada, blah, blah, blahs their way through the hearing.  Yeah the subject looks stupid or maybe gives a quotable quote like.  "At this point Senator what difference does it make?"  But the subject is home free.  Hell, Fauci even had the pardon.  They couldn't get him for anything he did while he was The King of the Kung Flu.

But no.  Fauci began with "On the advice of counsel I respectfully decline to answer based on my rights under the fifth amendment." and kept it up through 111 questions always repeating the whole statement.  Why he didn't just say, "I plead da 5th." like all the other lowlifes, who plead the 5th?  But then why did he plead the 5th?  He has that pardon.

Maybe there are things that there are no pardons for.  Things so vile and licentious, that the penal code, can't quite capture them.  Things that can't be said out loud or even whispered.  And maybe Fauci, The Man Who Was The Science, The King of the Kung Flu, knows that, all too well.

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