We have to admit being quite bewildered by all the things
that came to light about Mini Mike last week.
I mean the guy was our Mayor for twelve years and we never knew any of
this. Truth be told, most Mayors of NYC
don’t do very much. Mayor Rudy was an
exception. So, not knowing what any
Mayor was up to didn’t surprise us. But
the things that came out had to do with what goes on in Mini Mike’s little
head. So, when confronted with things
like this, we seek the counsel of Dr Don, world renowned Psychiatrist.
We don’t do this too often as Dr. Don costs $1,000 an hour
and he does not accept insurance, or checks, even certified ones or credit
cards either. He only takes cash and no
bill can be larger than a $20.
Dr. Don was kind enough to grant us an hour on short
notice. So, we hurried over to his
office in Hell’s Kitchen. Dr. Don as
usual sat in his Barco lounge chair with the six way heat massage, the overhead,
54 inch TV screen that has the tube fed Johnny Walker Blue dispenser alongside
it. Dr. Don will sip the Johnny Walker
Blue, as he sits and listens.
Dr. Don “I shouldn’t even take your money this is so easy.”
NYYUUGGEE “But you took it?”
Dr. Don “Of course I took it. Is this a mushroom on top of my neck? Does it say Sunkist on my forehead? Does this look like a big raisin that I’m
speaking out of? Am I a raisin head?”
NYYUUGGEE “Well as we mentioned on the phone, we’re bewildered by the things that
have come out about our former Mayor.”
Dr. Don “Ah
ha. Read them off an I’ll enlighten
you.”
NYYUUGGEE “Okay, he seems to have negative opinions about young black and Hispanic
men.”
Dr. Don “Eh. He’s an elitist. They all think like that. That shouldn’t surprise anyone.”
NYYUUGGEE “Well he seems to have sexually harassed women.”
Dr Don “Ah
ha, you’re getting close.”
NYYUUGGEE “Good. Now we knew he wanted to
grab everyone’s sodas but we just found out the he didn’t want new Mothers to use
baby formula. He wanted these new
Mothers to breast feed their babies.”
Dr. Don “Eureka! This is so easy. He never bonded with his Mother! Perhaps he wasn’t breast fed but then he
wouldn’t know. What he would be aware
of, was his Mother never approved of him.
He could never get her approval. He
could never bond with her. So, no matter
how much money he made or whatever success he achieved, it would never be
enough. This is why he objectifies women
and is angry with them. He is afraid
they will reject him, as his Mother did.
This is too easy.”
NYYUUGGEE Correspondent. “Oh, I see.”
Dr Don “And,
nothing that comes out of the mouth of the angry, rejected child should ever
surprise you. Also, his fascination with
obesity and baby formula, his Mother probably wanted him to be a Doctor, like
me. But he couldn’t get into Medical
School. This would heighten his sense of
failure and also explain the dire need for the breast. He needed to bond with her. He needed that breast and since he never got
it, he tried desperately for other babies to get it. You see?”
NYYUUGGEE “But he’s a big fan of abortions.
One of the law suits against him came from a woman who said when she got
pregnant, he told her to “Kill it” meaning get an abortion.”
Dr Don “Yes,
yes. With the rejected child, the pain
is so deep that he wishes he had never been born. So perhaps other babies who might feel that
rejection, that pain, should never be born either. You see.
There it all is, in a nutshell.”
NYYUUGGEE “Yes. I guess so.”
Dr. Don “So,
we are done here no?”
NYYUUGGEE “Uh Dr. Don this only took fifteen minutes.”
Dr. Don “Ah
ha but my hourly rate is only for fifty minutes, not an actual hour. And, the charge is for any part of an
hour. The fact that we achieved
breakthrough so quickly, should not be taken lightly. We can talk about something else. You have thirty-five minutes left.”
NYYUUGGEE Correspondent. “Uh I…”
Dr. Don “No. Then we can watch what I was watching when I
granted you the hour.”
Dr. Don
clicked the remote and we could see it was a Yankee game played in Fenway and
an old game too, as Roy White was on second and Chris Chambliss was on
first. Bucky Dent was walking up to home
plate.
Dicens
simile factum est
Pro Bono
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