Back in the bleak Cold War era of the 1950's through the 1960's, Spies or Secret Agents reigned supreme. If not in real life, at least in books, movies and TV. There were the solemn, plodding characters of John Le Carre novels. Or the Napoleon Solo and Ilya Kuriyakin of the TV show The Man From Uncle or even the spoof of the genre guys like Maxwell Smart, of 'Get Smart' and Dean Martin as Matt Helm. There was even a song about all these Spies and Secret Agents and it was appropriately titled 'Secret Agent Man'. It went like this.
"There's a man who leads a life of danger. With everyone he meets he stays a stranger. With every move he makes, another chance he takes. Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow."*
Of course the sui generis of all Secret Agents was James Bond aka 007. James Bond was a connoisseur of fine wines, fine food and fine women. He was elegant and he was lethal. The 007 designation meant he had a license to kill and the British government would quickly and efficiently clean it all up. Of course James Bond always had a gun, a Walther PPK. And, we're kind of thinking that's what Hunter Biden, pictured above, had in mind when he sojourned out into the world, right after his father had become Vice President.
But we think poor ole Hunter only saw the movies and didn't read the books, so he sort of missed the mark a little. Not his fault so much, as some of the movies missed the mark a little too. Like the last one where James Bond cried, died and might have left a kid behind. James Bond, the essential James Bond from the novels, must have always used condoms or had a vasectomy, as none of his women ever got pregnant. STDs? Maybe he did go with condoms but STDs were for the other guy. And James Bond never smoked crack or did any drugs. It was Vodka Martinis shaken not stirred. And, he didn't make it with his dead brother's wife. That would be tacky. No, James Bond always had sex with women who were beautiful, hot and wanted him. And, none of them ever got angry with him afterwards. Unlike Hunter, whose dead brother's ex-wife hates him or the Stripper, who also hates him. You know the one he got pregnant and doesn't want to pay child support for.
Maybe Hunter aimed too high. But then maybe it's the quest that counts and not the destination so much. Think of all the guys who searched for the Holy Grail. Maybe in that quest, Hunter found the quintessence that is Hunter Biden and in so doing, found contentment, inner peace. Maybe he won't mind it so much when they scoot him off to the Hoosegow. Maybe he'll just sing the last line of the 'Secret Agent Man' song. "They've given you a number and taken away your name."
It's what they do when they lock you up.
Dicens simile factum est
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*P.F. Sloan, Steve Barri and sung by Johnny Rivers
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