The Road To Victory

 

We were moved by the latest actions of our now woke professional athletes.  There was a police shooting in Kenosha Wisconsin and a whole bunch of these Wokesters walked off their respective playground configurations in protest.  They were so upset, angry, chagrined or just so woke, that they weren’t going to play their games.  What they hoped to achieve by this action we’re not sure.  But it must have been something that would push the ball forward.  No pun intended.  Maybe they were thinking that in the pantheon of social justice, does it really matter who wins these games?  Isn’t wokeness more important?  With that in mind, we wondered if not playing one game is going to advance their cause, what about not playing two games? How about not playing three or four games?  How about they all go home for the season?  Maybe next season too?  And, the one after that.  That’ll fix it. 

 

And, after three months, Old Brains Joe Biden came out of his basement, and announced that rioters, arsonists and looters were not peaceful protesters.  You could see Old Brains had been thinking about this for the last three months.  His lips were tense and taught, as he read the words off the teleprompter.  And, it looked like smoke was coming off the top of his head.  But he’s figured it out, after a lot of thought and he’s got it now. 

 

And, someone we know, says he’s slow.  C’mon man, he’s way ahead of most of the Mass Hysteria and the Cognoscenti of The Known World, who haven’t figured that out as yet.  Or if they do now, it will only be because Old Brains told them so.   

 

And, we kind of feel sorry for the Mass Hysteria, as they want you to believe that these are peaceful protests but then they have to put one of their commentators in front of a burning building, as they mouth “peaceful”.  We can see the Mass Hysteria’s conundrum here, as they have to say one thing and show you another.  And, they have to do this because more than they love their political narrative, more than they even love a sex scandal and more than they love a pandemic, where they can tell you you’re going to die, they love a fire.   

 

And, even though the fires contradict their narrative, they just can’t help themselves.  It must be something in the colors, the reds and the yellows of the ever, curling flames.  Maybe something in the possible death and destruction of whatever is burning; a car, someone’s home, a McDonald’s where some reporter got a cold, stale burger or some big building that might come crashing down, if the Fire Department doesn’t get there fast enough.  Then again, maybe it’s something about the possible end of it all, Armageddon.  But something about a fire to them, well it must look like... victory. 

  

 

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Old Brains

 

Much like the Suitors in Odysseus's parlor, waiting for Penelope to finish her Tapestry, The Mass Hysteria and all The Cognoscenti of the Known World, wait with bated breath for Old Brains, Joe Biden to make his Vice-Presidential pick.  We know that he’s made this pick three times already.  The problem is, after making the pick, he forgot who it was.  So, he’s had to start the process all over again.  He even wrote the name on a post-it once but when he looked at the name later, he couldn’t remember why it was there. 

Two times it was Kamala Harris and one time it was Oprah Winfrey and then Old Brains decided to let his wife make the pick.  And, it's a good thing Mrs. Biden picked her.  We shudder to think of Kamala muttering to herself for the rest of her life.  "I could have been a contender.  I could have been somebody!"  Much in the way HerHillaryness still does.  BTW Oprah, wasn't interested. 

Now readers please do not see this reportage of former Vice-President Old Brains, Joe Biden, as some kind of a pejorative.  We just go where the rest of the media fears to tread and then bring those facts to you.  We like to call this policy, just the facts Ma’am.  But just because the facts don’t look so good sometimes, doesn’t mean we don’t like Old Brains, Joe Biden.  In fact, some of us are seriously considering endorsing him.

Why you might ask?  Well some of the staff here including yours truly are over 70.  Yeah, yeah maybe we should retire but then we love this journalism thing, so we’re still at it.  But those of us who are over 70, have all had that moment or moments when we’ve walked into a room and then can’t figure out why we’re there.  Then we’ve all carefully made a shopping list, so we don’t forget to buy things at the Supermarket.  Only to find out when we got to the Supermarket, that we forgot the shopping list.  And, we’ve all sat down in front of the TV and watched an old movie or an original episode of Star Trek that we’ve seen at least a half a dozen times but since we can’t remember the ending, it’s like, we’ve never seen it before.  And, Joe Biden well, he understands all this.  He could be one of us.  And, it’s not likely that anyone like us, will ever run for President again.  In short, Old Brains is our guy.  At least those of us around here who are over 70.  The youths around here, don’t necessarily agree which means we might not be able to get a consensus on an endorsement.

But since I’m the senior, (no pun intended) editor I can say, run Joe, run! 

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A Few Questions

The staff here began a discussion last Friday and the question was.  What is the difference between, politics, the Nightly News, Cable News, Opinion Cable News shows, the Real Housewives of New York and everywhere else, the WWE, scripted TV shows both dramas and sitcoms and Professional Sports?  Discussions went on Friday all day, Saturday until finally on Sunday morning after looking at it from all angles we had our answer, nothing. 

This brings us to our next question and that is.  When do we take the masks off?  The government is never going to tell you to take the masks off, like ever.  You’re going to have to do this on you own.  So, we did a survey in NYC on Saturday.  We took a break from our discussion of question number one.  And, this is a very scientific survey, as it’s based on actual, verifiable numbers.  We passed a 100 people on the street in Manhattan and the Bronx and counted all the way.  We found that 17 people were not wearing masks at all.  Then another 14 had masks on but the mask was pulled down under their chin.  Just like Dr. Fauci at the ballpark.  Then there were 4 people with masks that were sort of askew.  One guy had turban like get up that only blocked half his mouth and one of his nostrils and a three other people had bandannas over their faces like they were going to rob the next Stagecoach.  The bandannas are completely useless when combating the Kung Flu, so we concluded that 35% of the people at the present time are not wearing masks.  Since these are actual, verifiable numbers this allows us to make scientific and accurate projections and here they are.  By the middle of August, 52.5% of the people will not be wearing masks.  By the middle of September 75% of the people will not be wearing masks.  And by the end of October 95% of the people will not be wearing masks.  The last 5% will never take the masks off.  Some will be buried with them still on. 

Which brings us to our last question, what do the masks do?  If you’re wearing the mask and someone with the Kung Flu gets within six feet of you, the mask won’t help.  If you have the Kung Flu, wearing the mask might help contain the virus.  But if you have the Kung Flu, you’re probably, in the ICU on a ventilator, regretting all the things you didn’t do and hoping for one more chance.  You’re not out and about breathing on people.  So, the answer to this last question is, not much. 

We hope you enjoyed your weekend.  Obviously, we didn’t enjoy ours. 

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The NYUUGGEE 2020 Presidential Poll

We know you have all been awaiting this with great anticipation.  We haven’t run a Presidential poll since 2016 which we got wrong but then so did everyone else.  We got over it, forgot about it, just like everyone else.  But now without further delay here it is. 

Candidate _______________ of the __________ Party has 47% of the vote. 

Candidate _______________ of the __________ Party has 44% of the vote. 

The other 8% of the vote is undecided.  

You can fill in the blanks because the object of this poll is to make you feel good.  You can think your guy is winning no matter who it is.  Is it accurate?  Of course, yes!  Every Presidential election in this century would fall within the parameters of this poll.  You could look that up.  But don’t bother, we have it for you later in this article. 

And, the undecided vote is extremely important because if our projection of the percentage of the vote is off a little after everyone actually votes, we will say the undecideds broke for the winner at the last moment. 

Oh yeah just like all the other polls we give ourselves a 3 to 5 % margin of error.  And, the margin of error is also extremely important.  If the undecided doesn’t cover the actual election results, we’ll throw in the margin of error and that should do the trick. 

Now we know the questions who did we call?  Likely voters?  Anyone who picked up the phone?  Our friends and family?  People from the Elks Lodge?  Like we said all the elections in this century fall within the parameters of this poll.  Take a look.  The winner’s name is on the left and in caps because sometimes the winner doesn’t have the most votes.  Do we have to give a civics lesson here? 

2016 TRUMP 46.1%          HerHillaryness 48.2% 

2012 OBAMA 51.1%          Mitt 47.2%  

2008 OBAMA 52.9%          John the Hero, McCain 45.7% 

2004 BUSH 50.7%              John I was in Viet Nam, Kerry 48.3% 

2000 BUSH 47.9%               Algore 48.4% 

As you can see our poll will fall in very nicely with the actual election results of all the Presidential elections in this century.  So, why bother with the phone calls?  Even unlimited calling has its limitations.  Why spend, the money?  And, polling takes a lot of time and it’s boring. Who wants to ask hundreds and hundreds of people the same questions over and over again? 

Of course, if there is some kind of a landslide election like Reagan v Mondal back in the previous century, we’ll be wrong, again.  But then so will everyone else, again.  And, we’ll just conveniently forget the whole thing just like everyone else, again. 

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