Be Careful Elon

We were able to track down  Clyde Kiddlehopper because he'd written us a letter and he consented to an interview.

NYUGGE Just how old are you Mr. Kiddlehopper?

Mr. K.  I don't rightly know.  I can remember when the President got shot.

NYUGGE You mean President Kennedy?

Mr. K Oh no, no.  What was his name?  Gar something.

NYUGE You mean Garfield?

Mr. K Yeah yeah.  That was it.  But I was a little boy then,

NYUGGE That makes you like a 150 something.

Mr. K.  Sounds right.

NYUGGE Now we hope you don't mind us asking but do you collect Social Security?

Mr. K Of course.

NYUGE For how long?

Mr. K. Since they started sending out the checks in1940.

Then we interviewed Martha Strangelove.  She contacted us.

NYUGGE It's nice to meet you Ms. Strangelove.

Ms. S Thank you and it's Mrs.  Mr. has been gone a while but I'm a Mrs. not a Miss or Ms. anything.  And, you can call me Martha.

NYUGGE  If you don't mind us asking Martha how old are you?

Ms. Well I don't like to normally divulge my age but this is for something important.  I'm 175 years old.

NYUGGE  That means you were born in 1850?

Mrs. S  Yup.  I can remember when the President was shot.

NYUGGE  That was President...

Mrs. S.  Lincoln.  I was 15 then.  It was right about when the war ended.

NYUGGE  And do you collect Social Security?

Mrs. S  Of course since they started sending out the checks in 1940.

NYUGGE  Did your husband collect?

Mrs. S  Of course.  He still does.

NYUGGE  When did he pass away?

Mrs. S  Oh 1966.

NYUGGE  And you still get the checks?

Mrs. S  Of course.  Goes right into the bank every month along with mine.  Now let me tell this Elon something.  You better not mess around with my money.  I've got my shotgun. I'll come looking for you.  Some of us are what they call Senior Seniors and we need our money.  Try finding a job at my age.  And, don't forget we vote too.

So there you have it Elon right from the horses mouth, so to speak.  So be careful and don't let our Senior, Seniors down.  

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The Mail Is In

Every once in a while we get mail the old fashion way, snail mail, as it's called.  And, we feel duty bound to answer those, just as we answer all other comments.  If someone took the time to read our column and respond, we feel duty bound to answer.  Even if sometimes the writing is in crayon and hard to decipher.  There's too many to print here but rest assured everyone is answered.  Here are a few.

'Dear Nazis,

Don't you realize that the people in Gaza need condoms!  You idiots!  You are all idiots!  So, I will keep this simple for you.  Condoms = no babies.  No babies = no abortions.  And you should be happy with that!!!  And no babies means, no terrorists, as all terrorist were babies once.  

NAZIS!!! RIGHT WING NUTS!!!  IDIOTS!!!

In disgust, 

Karen ,Karen

Dear Karen, Karen,  We never thought of that.  Hmmm.

Sincerely, 

The Staff

'Dear Libtoid scum,

How dare you compare our President to Hitler!'  I would use some real curse words much stronger than scum but but I don't use such language.

Yours truly, 

Clyde Kididillhopper

Dear Clyde,  We just present the facts.  You decide.  

The Staff'

'Dear Whistling Past The Graveyard People'

Okay, okay keep making funny comparisons of Trump to Hitler but you'll see.  You'll be sorry.  You'll get yours'.

Seth Fallon

Dear Seth, 

Everyone gets what's coming to them.  We'll get ours.  You'll get yours.  But at least you saw the satire,  even if you failed to get a few laughs, which is the whole point here.

The Staff

Now this one was in crayon but we re printed it out so you would be able to read it.

DEER LAMbains,

It tak me 2 weeks to calm dwn enough to rite this.  OW dar U say the Mainstreet medya is threw?  I stll wach it evry nite.  Wha pruff do u ave?

F U

Charyly

Dear Charyly,

Check the ratings.

Thank you.

The Staff

And to everyone keep those comments, emails and yes even letters coming in.

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Things You Never Thought Of

"If you're blue, and you don't know where to go to

Why don't you go where fashion sits?
Puttin' on the Ritz
Different types who wear a day coat
Pants with stripes and cutaway coat, perfect fits
Puttin' on the Ritz

Dressed up like a million-dollar trouper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper (super duper)"*

This is from an old song, so if its unfamiliar, it's all good.  And this is also a picture at the top of this column from the guy who sang it, Fred Astaire.  You can see also see that it's from an old black and white movie.  Also Gary Cooper was a very elegant looking actor who you also probably never heard of.  But you get the picture.  People getting dressed up and going out on the town.  That's a universal in any generation, which brings us to our point here, who ever thought of doing this in Gaza?  Bet you never did.

And, the revelations are astounding!  USAID spent 50 million dollars for condoms in Gaza.  Then they spent  another 2.5 million to fund EVs in Viet Nam.  Of course there's a whole bunch of other stuff.  You can look it up too.  But we're a little constricted by space here and again, you get the picture.  Now are we the only ones thinking that the 50 million never got to Gaza?  We mean how could anyone spend 50 million dollars on condoms?  They don't cost that much and there aren't that many people in Gaza who need condoms.  Also, are we alone in wondering if the 2.5 million ever got to anyone in Viet Nam?  I know we've been called cynics before but we cant' help but wonder if these entities, were ever real?  Are you or anyone else thinking that?

Now all this stuff is about waste, fraud and scandal that no one ever knew about.  But do you know what the rest of the government is doing with your money?  We mean even the  things that are legitimate, supposedly.  Who gets paid?  And, we don't just mean the employees but all the contractors that Federal, State and City governments hire.  We like to call this what are they doing over there at the Department of Agriculture?  We're sure if you look it up there will be a nice mission statement and some paragraphs describing what they do.  But like what are the employees doing over there, when they show up to work?  We could repeat this question for The Department of Energy and just about every government, Federal, State and City, agency.  We don't know.  We're not smarter than you.  Bet you never thought of asking though.  We never mentioned it before because we're pretty sure the idea, would have fallen on deaf ears  But now...  Well, maybe, people will start to wonder.

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*Irving Berlin

Redux

Redux definition: things revived or brought back.

1. Since Donald John Trump is the President again and we've been told by his detractors that he's like Hitler so many times, we feel compelled to trot out the comparisons, again.

A. Both men were shot in the head.  DJT's ear got nicked and Hitler, well...  It was his last official act.  That, and biting on the cyanide pill.

B. Both men were re-elected, except for Hitler.  Hitler was one and done.  See paragraph A.

C. Both men's first wives died.  Trump and his first wife Ivanna were married for 13 years and they had three children together, before getting divorced.  She died 32 years later at the age of 73 when she fell in her home.  Eva Braun Hitler, took a cyanide pill the day after her wedding.  There were no children.  

BTW DJT 45 and 47, has had three wives.  Hitler only had one wife.  Again, he was one and done.

2. And the Kansas City Chiefs are headed to the Super Bowl once again.  This makes it the third time in a row.  No, team in the Super Bowl's 58 year history, has ever won three in a row.  That would make a helluva headline and great publicity for the NFL.  So much so, that some people are saying the Zebras, aka NFL referees, have been assisting the Chiefs, in this endeavor.  Throwing penalty flags to help the Chiefs, in their playoff games.  We don't know if that's true but we're not betting on the Eagles to win the game and neither should you.  We suggest if you bet, bet the over/under, how long it will take for the National Anthem to be sung or how many times the camera goes to Taylor Swift.  The Zebras can't throw flags for those things.

3. And the Kennedys and the term Camelot have been linked once again.  For those of you too young to remember or know, then First Lady Jaqueline Kennedy compared her husband JFK's administration to that of the mythical, enchanted Kingdom of King Arthur.  There was a big hit Broadway musical at the time about the legendary King Arthur with beautiful music, called Camelot.  This time around though, the music isn't so romantic.  Seems the Kennedy clan are furious at RFK Jr because he campaigned for DJT, 45,47 and is up for Secretary of HHS in DJT's administration.  So there is great discord in this latest rendition of Camelot.  We mean how would you feel if a member of your family went to work for Hitler?  See number 1.

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