To Die Another Day

One unintended consequence of being locked in during the Kung Flu has been the watching of movie, after movie, after movie on TV.  One of us actually watched Police Academy 1 through 7.  And, like they say, don't try that yourself.  He's a trained professional.  But watching so many movies allowed us to notice a few things and maybe help.  Like what never to do, if you’re the bad guy in a movie. 

Never, and we mean never, use an automatic weapon to shoot at the hero.  You will only miss.  You can shoot the sidekick, innocent bystanders and also a whole lot of nameless faceless cops, soldiers or others wearing uniforms with great results.  But if you turn that thing towards the hero, you’ll only put holes in walls, cars, shatter a lot of glass or make pretty splashes in puddles.  You will never hit the hero.   Well, you might nick him in the shoulder but it won’t bother him much.  Mostly, you’ll just be wasting ammo.   

Also, after you and the hero have run out of ammunition and come face to face, never try killing him with a pipe or a big sword.  You’re only going to swing and miss.  And, why waste all that effort when you're going to die anyway.  Much better is a short sword or a knife.  You might be able to wound the hero and he might even grunt or yell "Aggghhh.:  Also with the short blade instrument, the hero might actually pull the thing into himself so he can get close to you.  Of course, then you die.  But the advantage of the short blade instrument, is you will at least have the satisfaction of knowing you’ve wounded him and as you breath your last, you might even get something smart to say like.  "How do I look?“  Or I’ll see you in hell.”  Or "Yippie ki-yay mutherf*ck."

Now you might conclude that it’s best to stick with hand-to-hand fighting and at one point you’ll even be winning but that’s not going to last and neither are you. Again, why waste all that effort?

  

If you’re the bad guy basically, nothing will work  so don’t waste your time trying.  The best thing to do is run.  If you run quickly enough you might make it into the sequel.  Think Blofeld here.  The James Bond villain who was smart enough to make for the exits whenever Bond got too close.  Blofeld went onto quite a few sequels and he also outlasted a whole lot of Bonds. 

Yeah, yeah we’ve watched too many movies on TV and thank God this thing is just about over.  Now, we can all go to restaurants, bars, ballgames, concerts and yeah, the movies.

Dicens simile factum est 

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