Our intrepid reporter Cynthia Caruso was on her way to Jones Beach with her three grandchildren in tow, when the skies opened up and a downpour ensued. Since our office is in Queens and on the way to Jones Beach, she stopped off there. Our office has laptops and Plasma screen TVs complete with a computer game hook ups, so it was the perfect place. Naturally the staff got around to asking her grandkids what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Nine year old Phoebe said. "I want to be a Pediatrician." She likes her Pediatrician.
Eleven year old Ophelia said. "I want to be an Architect." She draws real well and buildings are her favorite subject.
Typical things that little kids say that no one pays much mind too. Everyone just smiles, thinks that's nice and goes about their business. But when thirteen year old Holden gave his answer, it made everyone in the office come to an abrupt halt. Little Holden said. "I want to be a Whistleblower."
Everyone had a whole bunch of questions to which Holden had all the answers to, even before they could be asked. "It's easy. As soon as I'm old enough I go to work for some Presidential campaign. I get coffee for everyone, hand out leaflets, get petitions signed, kiss people's asses and then all I have to do is wait for the scandal."
"What scandal?" Everyone asked almost in unison.
"There's always a scandal. There's been one for every President." Holden announced confidently.
"Now wait." Someone said thinking that the kid is only thirteen so he could only remember maybe two Presidents. But then everyone started thinking back and somebody said. "Bush the Elder." And someone else said. "Iran Contra was still ongoing." Everyone nodded as they all realized that included President Reagan's eight years. Someone else said. "Jimmuh?" But it was more of a question that no one off the top of their head could remember and even if correct... That meant over 40 years and seven Presidents ago.
Holden went on. "Once there's the scandal. I start leaking things to the Media." Someone interjected with "Don't you have to be in the area of the scandal and know..." When everyone started to laugh a little. And Holden answered. "No, I don't have to know anything that actually happened. I just repeat rumors that will be all over the place anyway. And, I will have worked on the campaign and I'll have some kind of a job there and they'll just take down everything I say. Then they'll just repeat it so long as it fits the narrative of the scandal. Don't forget, I'll be a source from inside the Administration."
No one wanted to argue with that one. Holden went on. "Then maybe I even get to testify before Congress where I can lie like a rug and no one will do anything to me. I just keep repeating the rumors. I don't even have to have any of my own, just whatever people want to hear at that point. Then I write my book or books. You can do more than one, depending on the how excited everyone gets. Some people will say I'm a Rat but others will say I'm a Hero. I might even wind up with my own Podcast."
Everyone wanted to argue with him about the who, the what, the where and the when of some scandal that hasn't even happened. You know things journalists are supposed to ask. But then there couldn't really be any answers and no one could find any fault in little, thirteen year old Holden's logic.
Holden did add his only caveat. "My biggest problem is figuring out which one of the idiots will actually win. But that's not too much of a problem, as I'll be really young when I start and I'll pick the winning idiot, sooner or later."
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