Saturday, March 13, 2021

Wondering


We’ve been wondering about this for quite some time and it’s if Superman were alive today, he died in the last movie Superman vs Batman.  But if he were alive today, would he have to wear a mask?  Masks would not be much of a problem for Batman as he already wears one.  So do a whole lot of other Super Heroes like Green Lantern, Flash and the Spider Man just to name a few.  But Superman is invincible.  Or well, we thought he was till they killed him off in the last movie.  Truth be told though we kind of think he’ll be back.  They’ll be some little something everyone missed.  That’s the way it used to work in the Comic books.  But if he is invincible, why would he need a mask?  Invincible means he couldn’t get the Kung Flu and since he couldn’t get it, he couldn’t pass it on either.  Sort of like a really good vaccine.  So, we’ve kicked this around and could never get a consensus on it.  So, we asked a few other people.

Dr. Fauci “Yes, Superman has to wear a mask.” 


President Biden.  “Hunh?  Wah?  Mask?  I’m wearing my mask, I think.  Yeah, it’s right here in my hand.  Now take my wife... please.” 


Alex Rodriquez.  “Damn J-Lo just dumped me.  This chick from Southern Charm is no J-Lo believe me.  And, I didn’t even have sex with her.  I mean I never even met her?  We just did facetime.  Why was I dumped?  Superman?  Who cares?” 


Ex-Prince Harry.  “Superman?  Mask?  You’re not asking about me or Meghan?  That’s hard to believe.  Is there anything but us?  And, uh, this is a little embarrassing but do I get paid for this?  I hate to ask that but Grand Mama has cut off my allowance.” 


Governor Andew Cuomo.  “Yes of course Superman has to wear the mask.  And, he has to wash his hands and he has to safe distance same as everyone else.  Hey, why are you the only person in this room?  Where's my staff?  Where did everyone go?” 


We hope we cleared this up for you. 


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Saturday, March 6, 2021

The Fall of Mitt Romney

This is not a long, sad story of the downward spiral of some mealy-mouthed politician.  You know the kind who’ll say just about anything to get elected, talks out of both sides of his mouth till it all catches up with him and he finds himself out of office and trying his hand at a Cable News Show.  And it’s not about an elected guy who says it never happened.  He never had sex with her or put his hands where she said he did.  But then after a period of denial the text messages show up.  And then his wife throws all his clothes out on the front lawn and leaves him.  And after that he gets the message and resigns.  No, with Mitt, it’s he fell.  He fell on his face.  That's what he said.  Probably because he’s old and well old people lose their balance.  Mitt got a black eye and a whole bunch of stitches.  How many?  Well, he asked the Doctor but that’s another thing that happens when people get old, they don’t remember.  So, he’s not sure.  “A whole bunch.”  Mitt said.

One thing we know for sure is Mitt goes to bed every night muttering.  “If I just had been a little tougher, a little meaner.  And, maybe if I had another nickname like The Rock or Duke or even Scooter.  Anything but Mitt!  Maybe then I could have beaten Obama.  I could have been President.  I could have been... somebody!” 



But then again this reminds us of another Senator Harry Reid, pictured above.  He also showed up with a black eye and a few stiches and said he fell too.  Then he retired.  Harry Reid retired despite having nothing else to do and being in the Senate for 30 years.  Retired even though he was Senate Majority Leader and he managed to amass 25 million dollars in the process.  So, maybe with Mitt it’s not old age and balance.  Maybe it’s a hearing problem.  Maybe like Harry Reid, he was told retire and at first, well, he just didn’t listen.  We’ll see. 

 

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Saturday, February 27, 2021

The End of the Road?

 

Queen Elizabeth II announced last week that Harry and Meghan have been stripped of their duties as Royals.  Does this mean they will no longer ride in carriages and wave to the crowd as they are doing in the picture here?  If so, then it’s over.  They’re done. 

 

Because what else do they do?  Oh yeah pose for pictures in the Palace.  But don’t worry because if they don’t wave to us from carriages or pose for pictures in the Palace, we’ll be just fine.  It’s not like they drive a subway train and we’ll have trouble getting to work tomorrow.  Or either one of them is a Doctor and you had an appointment next week.  Think on it for a second, if they don’t show up at the Palace, what happens? 

   

Oh yeah, they also lost their titles and we’re wondering does that mean money?  Because then maybe it’s serious.  Serious for them, not you or us or anyone else but if they lose money, you might actually see some genuine tears flowing.  Tune into Oprah when she airs the interview. 

 

But it also may be over for Dr. Fauci.  It seems that Meghan McCain cut him a new one last week on The View.  She blasted Dr. Fauci because at one point during the crisis that is the Kung Flu, he told her she didn’t need to wear a mask and she was three months pregnant!  Then later on during the crisis that is the Kung Flu, he said she did.  OMG!  What was Meghan McCain to do?  If she couldn’t trust Dr. Fauci then WTF?  She also said Dr. Fauci needs to be replaced by someone who understands science and that is the kiss of death in today’s world.  Ouch!  You know we always thought Dr. Fauci looks like an aging Phil Rizzuto, former Yankee Shortstop and announcer.  We mean what Phil Rizzuto might look like today if he hadn’t passed away back in 2007 at the age of 90. 

 

And we’re sad to have to report this one but it might be all over for Tiger Woods.  Seems he was traveling at an excessive speed when his car hit the median and rolled over three or four times.  Actually, it’s been over for Tiger for quite some time, as he’s only won one golf tournament in the last decade or so.  It’s just that no one has had the heart to say it out loud.  In fact, some people in the know say Tiger damn well knew he was washed up as a golfer and he was working on his next career the other night and that is, NASCAR driver. 

 

We think he should try something a little less dangerous.  Hell, he’s a good, looking guy, knows his way around the ladies and he’d be great on The Batchelor.  Then again if he needs more chills, thrills and drama, well Kim Kardashian will be single soon.  That would make a hell of a reality show, Kim and The Tiger.   

 

And, yes you may make golf puns in the comments section below.  

 

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Sunday, February 21, 2021

More Than You Know - novel excerpt

 

Chapter 5 

 

So, when he hit the bench, Bobby got slaps on the back from the entire team.  They stood around in a semi-circle recalling all the plays and enjoying the win, as the sun began to go down and the huge buildings that surrounded the park began to spread their long shadows across the field. 

The crowd began to melt away and everyone on the team began to head home for their wives, families and girlfriends. 

Yeah, it had been one of those games.  They had only scored two runs and he’d driven in one and scored the other.  Yeah, it was sweet.  But the best part, as the crowd melted away and his teammates left, was that standing right there on the third base side of home plate, was Melissa.  

She’d been in the crowd by the third base stands sort of hiding out as she would explain it to him later.  She had a tendency to draw attention, so she’d tucked herself in there. 

“Wow.”  She said as he came over.  Then he got a nice light, kiss on the lips.  She had to tilt her head down a little and he tilt his up, as she was a little taller than he was. 

“You’ll walk me home.”  She said like they were two kids in the neighborhood and so he did.  She lived on 70th Street and the Heckscher Fields were on 63rd Street so they walked along inside the park as the sun continued to set.  Then she stopped at bench and they sat.  That’s when she explained for the first time what he already knew, that she was four years older than him.  That she had a seven, year old daughter.  That she had a job and he had to finish his education.  And, last that she was seeing someone who she would most probably marry and she was not the kind of woman who would have an affair. 

He was about to explain to her that since she wasn’t married, technically, she couldn’t have an affair but he never got the words out because as she went on to explain, what they could do, was make out. 

Then they kissed sitting on a park bench just a little bit north of the Heckscher Fields.  It was their first real, tongue in the mouth kiss and it seemed to knock the back of his head off, so he had no complaints.  Then they kissed again and again and then she got up and they started to walk towards her apartment building.  This time, they were holding hands. 

They stopped a little further up at the next empty bench and then did the same thing.  They couldn’t do any more than kiss as people were passing by in the park but then a few blocks before they’d leave the park, he spotted a few bushes and trees clumped together and he pulled her in behind them.  Then his hands went to work combing her body.  It was the first time he ever touched her breasts.  When his hands started to make their way down her body, she slapped them and then his cheek, just ever so lightly. 

“We’re just making out.  I, said.  Remember.”  She teased. 

“Yeah, I got it.  But that’s what making out is.  My hands roam and you defend.  That’s the game.”  He answered. 

“Well, you only got to second base today, two doubles.  I saw them both.” 

“No.  I scored once.”  He countered.  

“That’s was that game.  This is, this one, and I’m the umpire.  When I say you’re out, you’re out!”  She, said. 

“Okay.”  He, said. Then he took his hands away, moved back a bit and then just stuck his face forward, lips first and they kissed again.  Then he moved back in and held her tight and buried his head in her neck.  He could smell her, smell her skin, her hair.  He never wanted to ever, let go. 

She pushed him back and, said.  “I have to get home.”  It was getting dark.  The sun would set, real fast once it got beyond the skyscrapers. 

So, they walked holding hands and stopping to kiss here and there till they left the park and walked along Central Park West, no longer holding hands.  It was nighttime now.  The street lights had come on and the sky out to the west only held a last glimmer of light. 

When they got to her block she stopped at the corner and, said.  “This is a far as you go.  I’ll call you.” 

Then he watched her as she walked away down the block, lithe and blond and beautiful.  He watched as she walked under the street light and then disappeared into the night’s shadows.  Then she was out of those shadows and into the splash of the next street light with her blond hair shining in that light.  Then she was back in the shadows and then out again, till she got to the front door of her building.  Then she stopped and turned, saw him still standing there and blew him a kiss.  She was a third of the way down the block but he could taste it, sweet and moist, and feel it all over, gentle and warm.  

https://outskirtspress.com/bookstore/details/9781977237132 or https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-You-Know-Frankel