Getting The Last...

A Florida man Oscar Salazar stabbed his wife Byanca to death in the middle of an argument.  Then the man slit his own throat.  Talk about getting the last word in.

And former NY Times editor James Bennet lashed out a Publisher AG Sulzberger for not having his back when the staff and the subscribers of the NY Times were outraged at him and his career went in the toilet.  He had to resign.  Why were they all outraged?  Well Mr. Bennet let Senator Tom Cotton pen an Op-Ed on the pages of the NY Times.  Mr. Bennett was only the editor.  He didn't write anything, not a word.  But he allowed Senator Cotton who was a republican of all things, to write on the hallowed editorial pages of the NY Times.  We're not sure what happened to writing a letter to the Editor in response.  But the powers that be at The NY Times seemed to have had the last word here.  Bennet was driven to the cornfields over this, two years ago.  But now, Bennett is back and letting it all hang out, even if it's two years later.  In big bold letters of the the NY Post, Bennet said of  AG Sulzberger "He set me on fire and threw me in the garbage."  

Maybe Bennett is 'a has been' with his career in the rear view mirror but this only accentuates the importance, of getting the last word in.  Maybe there's a book coming with a few more last words?

And Conor Kennedy Scion of the Kennedy family.  BTW did you know what a Scion is?  We didn't.  We had to look it up which doesn't happen too often but it means 'a young twig or shoot of a plant'.  And, it also means 'a descendant of a notable family'.  Conor is the grandson of Bobby Kennedy.  Get it now, Scion?  You think maybe he's going to run for something?

But The Young Twig Conor just got back from fighting in the Ukraine or so he says.  He didn't tell anyone he was going, as he didn't want anyone to worry.  And, he didn't tell anyone who he was, when he got there.  He didn't want to be treated any differently.  Like the Ukrainians might know or give two bleeps.  And The Young Twig Conor said he had "no prior military training but he could carry heavy things and he was willing to die for Ukraine".  He's back now, so that last part didn't happen.  And, we're guessing he came back so he could get the last word in.  We mean, if he died in Ukraine who would do that for him, since no one knew he was there and the Ukrainians didn't know who he was?  And, how could he run for office if, he was dead?  Vote?  Yes. Run?  We're not so sure.

And yeah that's a picture of Taylor Swift at the head of this article.  The Young Twig Conor used to date her and we figured you'd rather look at her than some anonymous murder/suicide guy or a washed up ex-Editor of the NY Times or even a shot of The Young Twig himself.

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Maybe Not So Hot

With Gisele Bundchen saying she's had it with Tom Brady, it might be time to note that Brady may be considered the G.O.A.T. in terms of NFL Quarterbacks and he's won 7 super bowls but he's 0 for 2 in the major relationships department.  His baby's momma who he had a long relationship with, is the very beautiful and accomplished actress Bridgette Moynihan and she threw him out.  And, when one woman throws you out, well it might be things just didn't work.  But when a second woman throws you out, well, maybe you're not so hot.

And Bill Gates is quoted as saying that "a civil war is coming" in the United States.  It will be preceded by a hung election and then well, all hell will break loose.  Now, a whole lot of people including us, are trying to get his exact words but he seems to have said them at a conference held by Forbes magazine and no one can find an actual transcript or a recording.  As if that stuff matters anymore.  We're willing to stipulate that his words may have been taken out of context but then Bill Gates is another guy whose wife has just thrown him out, saying she's had enough.  So, maybe it doesn't matter what he actually said, as maybe he's not so hot either.  Yeah, yeah he's got billions but so do a lot of other people nowadays.

And we're not sure what is crazier.  The things that come out of the mouth of Kanye West or the people who repeat and react to them.  And, yeah Kim threw him out too but then well Kim threw a lot of guys out, so that doesn't automatically mean he's not so hot.  Not yet.

And Vladimir Putin celebrated his 70th birthday the other day and the Ukrainians blew up one of his bridges and real big one that leads from Russia to Crimea, to celebrate.  And, the Ukrainians are advancing on the Russian held Kherson and a whole lot of other places.  And yeah ole Vlad, he's not so hot anymore either.

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That Moment When...

For Vladimir Putin it was that moment when he was announcing that he was calling up 300,000 conscripts to go fight in Ukraine.  Back in February the Russians formerly known as the Evil Empire invaded the Ukraine from north, south and east.  At first Russian troops and tanks just rolled along like it was 1956 in Budapest but then...  Well they kind of bogged down outside of the Ukrainian capitol Kyiv.  At which point Vlad said that all was going according to the plan.  Then the Russians got pushed back in a few places but Vlad once again said all was going according to the plan.  And, in the last few weeks the Ukrainians launched a counter offensive and the Russian troops have been running the other way.  So, as Vlad read from the teleprompter about calling up men formally known as civilians, he had to have that moment, when he realized that things just weren't going according to the plan.

For Meghan Markle there was that moment as she followed behind the casket of Queen Elizabeth II, when a single tear rolled down her cheek.  You could say she was moved to tears at the passing of Britain's Longest reigning Queen but then she looked angry not bereft and it could have been the moment.  

It was not so long ago when Harry met Meghan and they got hitched.  But Harry is the second son and unless the oldest son meets an untimely end, he and Megan would be left to play second fiddle to that oldest son William and his wife Kate.  So, someone hatched what seemed like the brilliant idea of renouncing their royal titles and going to live with the common folk in America.  Soon a contract from Netflix for over a hundred million followed but then Meghan's first project got cancelled.  Seems like Netflix realized if they weren't royals then she was just a washed up ex-TV actress and Harry a....  Well what is an ex-royal?  Nothing really, not even a washed up ex-TV actor.

Then the Queen died and Harry and Megan were left out of certain ceremonies and had to sit in the back with well... the common folk which is what they are now.  Then came that single tear rolling down the angry cheek of Meghan.  That could have been the moment when she realized that things, just hadn't gone according to the plan.

And for Kanye it happened yesterday.  Maybe he should have realized it when Kim split and then started dating Pete Davidson and she and Pete posted all kinds of PDA all over social media.  But then Kim threw Pete out, saying he was too young and well "hope springs eternal".  Kanye must have planned of some great reunion but then well yesterday he must have had that moment.  He took to Instagram to post a picture of Kim with her new svelte figure and said.  "London I know how you feel.  I lost my Queen too."

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"An Ounce Of Prevention Is Worth A Pound Of Cure"

That's a few words of wisdom from ole Ben Franklin that we're quoting in the title here because we all sort of got caught with our pants down during the last crisis, the pandemic, aka The Kung Flu.  So we have to to go over what worked and what didn't.  The do's and don'ts if you will.  

Now a whole lot of people ran out and bought up all the toilet paper.  And, it must have worked, as most of us are still here.

And, most of us about 83% of us got the vaccine which didn't work, as the CDC the Center for Disease Control reports that the Kung Flu is still creating 60,831 cases a day, causing 391 deaths a day and 4,311 hospitalizations a day.

And, the masks did nothing, as most everyone has just thrown them away with no discernable effect.

So, now we need to prepare for the next crisis.  And, trust us on this, there will be another one.  Not tomorrow, not next week but soon and we need to get ready.  So here goes.

1. Buy up toilet paper and do it now before the shelves go bare.  As we mentioned it must have worked and it's a non perishable item, so it won't spoil.  

2. Sign up for whatever government program or programs that give out money.  Don't worry if you qualify or not.  The worst that could happen is they say no.  If you commit fraud in the process, not to worry as there will be millions, if not tens of millions of people doing the same thing, so they can't possibly catch more than a few.  The odds are way in your favor.  It doesn't even seem, as if they're looking too hard for anyone after these last big handouts.  

3.  If there are emergency loan programs, apply.  There are not a lot of articles on this but more than a enough to give them credence, and they're about how the rich and famous got the emergency loans and then couldn't repay them.  Why should you?

4.  Do not watch the news or talk shows or any regular TV that always has breaking news or bulletins.  Stick to Netflix or your favorite streaming service.  This will keep the incessant stream of hysteria and misinformation to a minimum.  Check the internet once or twice a week at most, just to see if the world is still out there.  Not watching the TV will also spare you from having to listen to every nitwit celebrity telling you to "stay safe" like they know you and give a bleep.

This has been what we call a public service announcement.

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Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

The FBI Agents who searched Mar-a-Lago got to do what a whole lot of men could only wish, hope and dream of doing, they got into Melania's panties.  We wondered if they sniffed them?  We're kind of thinking yeah here.

And, Robert Telles the Public Administrator for Clarke County who failed to win his primary so he could keep his job, was arrested for murder.  Seems the victim Jeff German, was a reporter who wrote some articles about Mr. Telles inappropriate conduct while in office and it probably cost Telles the election.  This is what can happen when someone realizes their wishes, hopes, and dreams just ain't gonna come true.  We call this, the dark side of wishes, hopes and dreams.

And Aaron Judge only needs 5 more home runs to break Roger Maris's record of 61 home runs in a single season!  Judge has 20 games left in the season to do it.  He could do it!  Aaron Judge could break Roger Maris's record!  The only thing wrong here is the steroid freaks McGwire, Sosa and Bonds have gone past that number years ago with Bonds topping out at 73 home runs in a single season.  So, if Judge does get to 62 home runs, it will only be a team record.  This is when wishes, hopes and dreams even when realized, just become ho hum and BFD.

And, Hillary Clinton, HerHillaryness says she will never run for President again.  That glass ceiling she thought she'd crack will stay in place, at least for now and the near future.  We guess, this is when wishes, hopes and dreams, just die.

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Truth or Rumor?

While rumors abound everywhere and rumors are not very trust worthy, sometimes today's rumors become tomorrow's historical facts.  For example JFK got whacked by the Mob.  That was a rumor among many other rumors and conspiracy theories for decades but now, well, pretty much everyone in the know, knows it to be true.  And, look for all future JFK conspiracy movies and books to zoom in on this.  The CIA, the FBI and LBJ conspiracy theories, are out.  Get used to the names Sam Giancana, Santo Trafficante and Carlos Marcello.  Another example, were the rumors circulating for the last few months that Leonardo DiCaprio was going to dump his girlfriend before she turned 25 as he dumps all his girlfriends before they turn 25.  Another one that was true.  So we are here to try and sift through the rumors, separating the wheat from the chaff for the benefit of truth, justice and the future historical record.

So here we go.

Rumor 1.  Mikhail Gorbachev was whacked.  He did not die of natural causes.  In the old days these guys were just sent to a Dacha to never be heard from again but this was before the poison pen and the uranium milk shake.  This could only be a rumor as Gorbachev was 91 but then maybe the old guy said a few things that Putin didn't like.

Rumor 2.  The were only two things found in Donald Trump's safe at Mar A' Largo.  Number one was a bunch of Taco Bell receipts ear marked for his Accountants, as business expenses, replete with hot sauce stains and number two, nude pictures of his wife.  Truth or Rumor?  We're hot on the case.

Rumor 3.  There is going to be a new cable news/streaming service called The Cornfield with Chris Cuomo, Brian Stelter, Jeffrey Toobin and Chris Wallace.  We're leaning rumor here but then who knows?  We like the lineup.

Rumor 4.  Is there a war in the Ukraine?  At first there were daily images of tanks burning, airplanes screaming through the skies and explosions reaching to the heavens.  But we all know by now that the Mass Hysteria is not above taking footage from one war and using it for another.  For example the war in Syria was a hodgepodge of clips from the Iraq war.  The Mass Hysteria even admitted it.  And now, there are almost no images or even any news about this war at all.  We lean truth here, that there is a war and the Mass Hysteria just got bored with it.  And, whatever happened to that Zelenskky guy?  He was on the news everyday and now?  Poison pen?  Uranium milkshake maybe?

Rumor 5.  The Yankees are still in a pennant race.  After breaking on top of their division with an almost insurmountable lead, the Yankees have taken a nose dive, going 20 and 31 in their last 51 games.  Falling out of the whole thing is entirely possible at this point.  Along with the forgone conclusion that the Yankees would win their 28th World Series this year, just turning out to be a rumor.  Oh say it ain't so!  Say it ain't so!

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Putin's Double

Reports of Vladimir Putin having everything from Parkinson's disease to cancer have been circulating in the media and on the internet for months.  Then there are reports that Putin has a double.  So, in the interests of truth, justice and journalism, we got on the case.  Since we go where the rest of the media fears to tread, we tracked down Putin's double.

NYUUGGEE "Thank you for coming in.  What do we call you by the way?"

Vlad 2 "You can call me Vlad 2.  It will help me stay in character and don't use my real name.  I signed an NDA."

NYUUGGEE "You're wearing a mask so you're face is partially covered but if you don't mind us saying you don't particularly look like Vladimir Putin."

Vlad 2 "Of course I let my hair grow back and I put the weight back on and stopped the anabolic steroids, so I no longer look like him.  The mask is for the Co-vid and the Monkey pox.  You can't be too careful in this world, as I've learned."

NYUUGGEE "How did you get this job?"

Vlad 2 "My agent called me."

NYUUGGEE "Agent?"

Vlad 2 "Yes I'm an actor and this was the role of a lifetime.  So I had my head shaved and I worked out for weeks and took the anabolic steroids and damn if I didn't look just like him."

NYUUGGEE "So the reports of Putin having a double are true?"

Vlad 2 "Oh yes and not just a double but there were three of us.  Vlad 1, he is the guy with Parkinson's.  Vlad 3 had the cancer.  Vlad himself, he's healthy as a horse."

NYUUGGEE "Wow, so did you interact with the world's leaders?"

Vlad 2 "Yes sometimes.  Sometimes it was Vlad 1 or Vlad 3.  No one meets with the real Vlad anymore. The real Vlad said the world's leaders are all a bunch of silly actors or just plain dumb asses.  The only one I met was Boris Johnson.  At first I thought Boris Johnson was just drunk but then I realized he had to be high on something too.  If I had to guess I'd say Mollies."

NYUUGGEE "Do you speak Russian?  Do you and Putin have similar voices?"

Vlad 2 "No, no.  Most of the time you just walk out and pose for pictures.  If you actually meet someone like Boris Johnson, the Interpreter is with you and you just nod your head.  Then the Interpreter speaks to you in Russian and then you just whisper in the Interpreter's ear.  Then he gives the answer.  Besides that Boris guy was high, I could have said anything.  And, Vlad 3 met with Biden and he said Biden was out to lunch.  He even spoke to Biden in Russian and English.  Said Biden had no idea what he'd said.  Said Biden just asked where he could get an ice cream cone.  Hey they didn't like Vlad 3 speaking but under the circumstances, it didn't really matter."

NYUUGGEE "So how come you're back in the States?"

Vlad 2 "Oh someone noticed that our ears are a different size.  So I was on the next plane back to Newark.  That's where I'm from Jersey, Metuchen to be exact.  I heard they brought in two other guys."

NYUUGGEE "Two?"

Vlad 2 "Yeah I heard the cancer got Vlad 3.  That was one story.  The other was one of Putin's Mistresses mistook Vlad 3 for Putin.  But that could just be a story.  You know how people make stuff up and gossip."

NYUUGGEE "Do we ever.  But now that this is all over, do you go back to acting?"

Vlad 2 "Yeah and what really sucks is I played the hell out of that role.  But I can't use it.  I signed that NDA.  And, besides, no one will believe me.  So, it's like I spent a year on Broadway but I was in a clown costume or I was a tree that talked and I wasn't even listed in the credits.  What a waste.  And, they don't even pay that much.  Just a bunch of Rubles which by the time you get done converting them to dollars, you're left with maybe a month's rent."

NYUUGGEE "Well that was a hell of an experience.  Maybe someday they'll make a movie out of it and you can play yourself."

Vlad 2 "Yeah, yeah and of course I'll be playing Putin too!  Sort of like Eddie Murphy did in the Nutty Professor movies and Tom Hardy did in 'Legend'.  Yeah yeah!  Thank you!  Thank you!  You've put a whole new perspective on this."

NYUUGGEE "That's why we're here."

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