The NYUUGGEE 2020 Presidential Poll

We know you have all been awaiting this with great anticipation.  We haven’t run a Presidential poll since 2016 which we got wrong but then so did everyone else.  We got over it, forgot about it, just like everyone else.  But now without further delay here it is. 

Candidate _______________ of the __________ Party has 47% of the vote. 

Candidate _______________ of the __________ Party has 44% of the vote. 

The other 8% of the vote is undecided.  

You can fill in the blanks because the object of this poll is to make you feel good.  You can think your guy is winning no matter who it is.  Is it accurate?  Of course, yes!  Every Presidential election in this century would fall within the parameters of this poll.  You could look that up.  But don’t bother, we have it for you later in this article. 

And, the undecided vote is extremely important because if our projection of the percentage of the vote is off a little after everyone actually votes, we will say the undecideds broke for the winner at the last moment. 

Oh yeah just like all the other polls we give ourselves a 3 to 5 % margin of error.  And, the margin of error is also extremely important.  If the undecided doesn’t cover the actual election results, we’ll throw in the margin of error and that should do the trick. 

Now we know the questions who did we call?  Likely voters?  Anyone who picked up the phone?  Our friends and family?  People from the Elks Lodge?  Like we said all the elections in this century fall within the parameters of this poll.  Take a look.  The winner’s name is on the left and in caps because sometimes the winner doesn’t have the most votes.  Do we have to give a civics lesson here? 

2016 TRUMP 46.1%          HerHillaryness 48.2% 

2012 OBAMA 51.1%          Mitt 47.2%  

2008 OBAMA 52.9%          John the Hero, McCain 45.7% 

2004 BUSH 50.7%              John I was in Viet Nam, Kerry 48.3% 

2000 BUSH 47.9%               Algore 48.4% 

As you can see our poll will fall in very nicely with the actual election results of all the Presidential elections in this century.  So, why bother with the phone calls?  Even unlimited calling has its limitations.  Why spend, the money?  And, polling takes a lot of time and it’s boring. Who wants to ask hundreds and hundreds of people the same questions over and over again? 

Of course, if there is some kind of a landslide election like Reagan v Mondal back in the previous century, we’ll be wrong, again.  But then so will everyone else, again.  And, we’ll just conveniently forget the whole thing just like everyone else, again. 

Dicens simile factum est 

Pro Bono Publico 

I Am Adam

I am Adam.  I stand safely tucked away in a small room in The Metropolitan Museum of Art.  It is one of those rooms that does not get a lot of traffic.   But still people come by and gaze at me.  I’m not made in the image of an actual person but rather a biblical one, the first man.  I’m an allegory or a symbol or both.  I can never quite get that right.  I’m made of the finest marble and I’m really quite beautiful.  But I’m not outside and not displayed prominently in the Courtyard or in the halls of Greco, Roman or Egyptian art.  I am safe for now.  I think. 

But then are any of us safe?  I keep thinking of that old epitaph that went something like.  ‘At first they came for the Jews and I didn’t say anything as I was not a Jew.  Then they came for...’ And, on and on, one group or another that he was not a part of and he said nothing, till they came for him and there was no one left to object.  I’m thinking of that because at first, they came Robert E. Lee and others of us made in the likeness of some dead Confederate Soldier.  Why?  We’re not real.  And, we’re about people who’ve been dead for decades or centuries even.  It is said to be about male dominance or slavery or systemic racism.  But then they came for Abraham Lincoln and Ulysses S. Grant and those were the guys who ended slavery.  I know this because their statues brag about it all the time.  We have a way of communicating with each other.  It would take too long to explain it to you but we know when one of us is gone, as they go silent. 

Directly across town the City Council wants to get rid of the statue of Theodore Roosevelt in front of the Museum of Natural History.  That makes no sense, as Theodore Roosevelt more or less created the Museum of National History.  Maybe they mean to get rid of the whole Museum too.  I mean why not while they are at it?  God only knows how many objectionable things are in there.  And, Theodore the statue that is, is not happy and they’re lucky he’s only a statue.  The real Theodore Roosevelt would thrash them all.  It seems they object to the figures, one an African and the other an Indian, standing alongside him.  Why?  They look quite proud and the three of them look like they really like each other.  In fact, the statues do.  They’ve said so on many an occasion.  And, they are quite bewildered by it all.  The African on the right has asked that very question, why?  The Indian on the left, asked how?  It’s a rather large and heavy statue. 

But by now you can see why I’m worried.  I may be safely tucked away and not in view of the larger public but the statue killers don’t seem to be driven by any reason.  It’s just, get the statues.  And, I am Adam.  If anyone ever represented male dominance, it’s me.  Although I’m not so sure of that, as I’m about to eat the apple.  But please, don’t let them get me and if they do, please remember me.  I am quite beautiful and I’m not just some symbol, I’m art. 

Dicens simle factum est 

Pro Bono Publico 

Don't Get Your Hopes Up Too High

Ghislaine Maxwell ex-cohort, ex-lover and ex-pimp some say, of the late Jeffrey Epstein has been arrested.  And, she is going to name, names!  Or so the Mass Hysteria tells us so.  What names you ask.  Well names like Prince Andrew of the British Royal family, Bill Clinton former President and known affectionately around here as HisBubbaness and Alan Dershowitz famed Attorney and Harvard Law Professor.  Oh wait, we just named them.  Ooops! 

Oh well, not to worry as no one is going to get indicted or convicted based on what we print here or what anyone prints anywhere else.  And there’s the rub.  Just printing names in a news outlet or online neither indicts or convicts anyone of anything.  Just as having a phone number on someone else’s phone or being at some banquet and taking a picture with them, won’t get the job done either.  To convict someone of a crime you have to prove the crime took place and they did it.  Juries have been known to be kind of particular about those things.  Right about now, all Ghislaine seems to be able to do, is convict herself.  Of course, there will be the book, and the movie ‘I Was Jeffrey Epstein’s Lover, Slave and Pimp The, Ghislaine Maxwell Story’ and that will be delicious.  Just don’t get your hopes too high about indictments or convictions.  

Now those on the far left or the alt left, don’t get your hopes up too high about a revolution coming anytime soon.  We know that the watered-down Marxism you were taught, told you that tension between the classes, that is the oppressors and the oppressed, creates change in society.  However, if you look a little closer in the history books, you’ll see that revolutions, like the French revolution or the Granddaddy of them all to you guys, the Russian revolution, happened because people were starving not because they all got woke.  So sorry guys, it doesn’t matter how many statues you topple, America has a problem with obesity, not starvation.  So, the revolution, well it just ain’t happening.  Not unless you figure out how to get Americans away from Mickey D’s, KFC, Burger King and Dairy Queen.  Even the Kung Flu couldn’t keep American’s away from Mickey D’s, KFC, Burger King and Dairy Queen. 

And, there is going to be baseball!  Opening day will be July 23rd, so long as not too many people get sick before then.  But don’t get your hopes up too high, as there will be either no one in the seats or they’ll be social distancing and the ballpark will be almost empty.  All the sounds that you associate with the game like the roar of the crowd, will just be a faint echo of what they used to be.  And, the season will only be 60 games so when it’s over, the question will be, did the best team win?  Did the best team even get in the playoffs?  The whole season may seem anti-climactic and even hollow.  The only silver lining for us, is one of our favorite guys Kyle Home Run Higashioka of our beloved Yankees, is no longer the third string catcher but the backup catcher or number 2 guy.  This means he’ll play on a somewhat regular basis.  And, we call him Kyle Home Run Higashioka, because three of his first four hits in the major leagues, were home runs!  Not too many guys have ever done that.  Now If Kyle Home Run Higashioka could just get a hundred at bats, in a short season, well maybe, just maybe, he could win the home run title and be Home Run Higashioka to everyone.  And, that would certainly lift our hearts in this, The Year of the Kung Flu.   

Yeah, yeah, we know, we know, the title says it and we’ve been telling everyone including revolutionaries not to get their hopes up too high and look what we’re hoping for.  Guess we have to chalk it up to baseball, where hope always springs eternal, even without spring training. 

Dicens simile factum est 

 Pro Bono Publico 

CHAZ OR CHOP

In the land of CHAZ or CHOP a place that has been described by the Mayor of Seattle as “the summer of love” there were two separate shootings.  Some people in CHAZ or CHOP reflexively dialed 911.  But when the Police showed up the Leaders of CHOP or CHAZ took over and refused to let the Police enter.  When the Ambulance showed up, the Ambulance driver explained to the Leaders of CHOP or CHAZ that he wasn’t going to the scene of a shooting, without the Police and said “Bye”.  The Leaders of the CHOP or CHAZ didn’t quite understand but pretty much everyone else got that PDQ.  But the question that lingers on is, if you can’t get an Ambulance to show up when someone is shot, what are the odds of ordering a Pizza or some Sushi?  Probably not too good. 

So, we’re kind of wondering what will happen in the long term to this latest attempt at Utopia.  I mean most of us would assume that any modern-day Utopia would have Pizza and Sushi and well, some kind of medical help too.  Of course, back in the old days there was no such things and there is, a long history of Utopias in America.  In fact, that’s why people crossed the ocean and came here in the first place, to find Utopia.  So, another question rears its head and that is will this CHAZ or CHOP this “summer of love”, become another Plymouth Rock which is in modern day Massachusetts.  Or will the inhabitants of “the summer of love” go the way of The Roanoke Colony or the Donner Party?  For those of you who don’t know, the Roanoke Colony was an early settlement of about 112 people back 1585, in what is now North Carolina.  The Roanoke Colonists built a Fort while they awaited their relief that would bring them much needed supplies.  But when their relief showed up, the Fort stood tall but there was no one home.  No one found bodies and no one could ever find out what happened to them.  They just sort of faded away into the landscape.  Now the Donner Part were a group of settlers heading west in 1846 who got lost in a snow storm and then they ran out of food.  And, well... They wound up eating each other.  Hey, they were out of food, people died in the cold and snow and well what to do?  Some of The Donner party lived to tell their tragic story and some became the 1846/47 version of Sushi. 

But what will become of CHAZ or CHOP in this ‘the summer of love’?  Will they become a permanent fixture on the American Continent?  Or will they just fade away?  Or will they wind up eating each other?  And, when it's all over one way or the other, will anyone care? 

  

Dicens simile factum est 

Pro Bono Publco 

Questions

According to the statistics of the CDC that’s the Center for Disease Control of the United States 1.9 million people have contracted The Kung Flu here in America.  Sadly, 111,000 people have died from it.  The good news though is 528,000 people have recovered.  But we’re kind of wondering what happened to the other 1.26 million people who contracted The Kung Flu?  Are they still sick?  That seems kind of unlikely, as it would require them to have the Kung Flu for a couple of months and The Kung Flu only lasts 10 to 14 days at most.  Are they you know… the other thing and no one has had time to contact their families?  Did they simply wander away somewhere ashamed and afraid to seek treatment, not wanting their families to also get the disease?  Have they migrated to other countries like Mexico, Brazil or China?  What, happened to their stimulus checks?  Will we ever know what became of them?  Will this become one of the great mysteries of the 21^st Century?  Same as, did O.J. do it and what happened to Amelia Earhart were unanswered questions for the 20^th Century?  Does anyone care?

And why is there no Major League Baseball?  There has been professional baseball in America since 1869 when the first professional team the Cincinnati Red Stockings, started paying their players.  All through WWI, the Spanish Flu, WWII, hurricanes and all kinds of assorted calamities there was always Major League Baseball.  We ask this question because of The WWE, the World Wrestling Entertainment or professional wrestling as it’s known.  Any yeah, yeah, we know its fake but it’s on TV and it’s live!  If you tune in, you’ll see that these are not, replays with Triple H, Andre the Giant or the Fabulous Moolah.  There are no fans in the stands but these guys and gals are not practicing safe distancing.  You can’t do that when you have to kick your opponent in the face, hit them over the head with a chair or pin them to the mat.  And, they’re not wearing masks!  Well some are, as it’s part of their costume.  But if we can have the WWE why not Baseball?  If the WWE doesn’t need fans in the stands, we don’t either.  And, unlike the WWE, Major League players are not even close to each other on the ballfield.  Well other than the batter and the catcher and the catcher is already wearing a mask.  And, everyone is already wearing gloves.  What about the home plate umpire you might ask?  Well we could just move him back behind the pitcher like they did in the 1890s.  Or put him the broadcast booth and let him use the TV screen.  He’d probably see the pitches a lot better.   Come on MLB grow a…  ooops.  We almost said a baddie there.  But you know, the thing you wear the cup and the jockstrap over.

Dicens simile factum est

Pro Bono Publico