The Fly on the Wall

 

As Governor Cuomo the Younger huddled with his staff this week inside the Governor’s Mansion in Albany isolated from the rest of the world, wouldn’t you like to be the proverbial fly on the wall?  Well, we got him.  The fly that is, not the Governor as no one can get near him but his inner staff.  By the way, this is an exclusive interview.  The Fly can’t afford to waste his time with just anybody. 

Fly “C’mon, let’s make this fast.  I’m not going to live forever.  In fact, I got another 17 days and about 6 hours if I'm lucky.  We only live about month ya know.”

 

NYUUGGEE “I know.  I know.  Your great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather explained all that to me last year.  Now first, how did you get in there?” 

Fly “Oh you don’t believe me?  Fine, I’m outta here.” 

NYUUGGEE “No, no let’s hear what you heard.” 

Fly “Since you’re so nosy I got in through the air conditioner duct and you have to be careful with that believe me.  But it’s worth the risk.  The food, as usual was great, the Salami the Provolone and the Braciole.  It’s to die for.  Anyway, they’re all throwing out ideas like...  we could attack their credibility and then someone else says.  There’s eleven of them?  There’s a lot of silence after that.  In fact, every time someone threw something like that out, they’re would be a lot of silence afterwards.  Hey did I tell you about the Braciole?  I think it was sirloin.  It can be a lot of things but this one I’m pretty sure it was sirloin.”

 

NYUUGGEE “Eh what did the Governor say?”  

Fly “Oh him.  He was pretty quiet through most of it.  He was kind of munching on his knuckles which was kind of sad what with all that great food there.  But he did pipe up and say. ‘I don’t remember grabbing ass or coping a feel.  I don’t remember any of this.  Maybe I got dementia or Alzheimer's.’  There was a lot of head shaking.  No one either bought the idea or thought they could use it.  Then there was some mumbling.  Things you could never hear as you’re a human but of course I'm a Fly.  I can get around and fast.  I wouldn’t repeat the mumblings as I might have missed a few things but it seems like the Cuomo guy did a helluva' lot worse than what you’ve heard so far.  I got the impression the people honing the axe for him are sending him a message, giving him an out.” 

NYUUGGEE “Did he mention what he was going to do?  Resign?  Fight it out?” 

Fly “Naah.  Then he asked who he could line up for support.  Man did it ever get silent.  I had to hold completely still for a long time.  I mean you could hear a pin drop or worse a fly buzzing.  That’s when it gets dangerous too.  I mean if they hear the buzzing.  So, I’m just holding still for like ten maybe even fifteen minutes while no one says boo till they start with the credibility thing again.  Seems like after a whole lot of talking it was the only thing they had.” 

NYUUGGEE “Anything else?” 

Fly “No I was outta' there.  Hey I’m not gonna' live forever.  Besides, I had to go.  I ate a lot, too much really.  How long have we’ve been at this?” 

NYUUGGEE “About a half an hour?” 

Fly “Yeah, a half hour for you but a chunk of my life I’ll never get back.  See ya.” 

With that he buzzed away but now you’re all up to date on what’s going on inside the portals of power in the Governor’s Mansion up in Albany. 

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dfabmd@aol.com

 

The Little Things

 

It’s the little things that get you.  With Osama Bin Laden it seems it was the laundry hanging on clothes lines that first made up CIA Director Leon Panetta’s mind and then President Obama’s mind, that Osama was in that compound.  Then came the Navy Seals and well you know the rest of the story.  That laundry on the line was sort of “alle acta est” for CIA Director Panetta and President Obama and also for poor ole Osama.  Too bad Osama didn’t spring for a washer dryer set for his wives to do the laundry with.  If he had, he might still be eating olives from his garden and watching porn on his computer.  Like we said it’s the little things that get you. 

 

Now take Lawrence Michael Handley.  He hired two guys to kidnap his estranged wife.  They broke into her house, handcuffed her and then shoved her in a Van.  As Kidnappers they were doing just fine but then they didn’t drive too well and the State Troopers saw the Van weaving through the streets.  The State Troopers went to stop the Van and the two kidnappers tried to speed away but they drove into a dead end.  The kidnappers bolted from the Van and as the Troopers chased after them, the kidnappers tried to swim across a Canal.  While they were bad drivers, they were worse swimmers and they drowned.  

And too bad for Lawrence Michael Handley the estranged husband, as he had rented the van and he’d bought the handcuffs, both of which were traced back to him.  Guess he figured if things went as planned, he could return the Van and get rid of the handcuffs.  But as they say, all plans fall apart upon first contact with the enemy.  And, it’s those little things, that get you.

 

And the Yankees just traded for a guy named Joey Gallo.  He’s no relation to the infamous Joey Gallo of yesteryear.  That guy known as Crazy Joey Gallo, was a made member of the Profaci family.  Crazy Joey Gallo was one of the guys who whacked Albert Anastasia while he sat in a barber's chair in the Park Sheraton Hotel in the middle of the day.  No, this new Joey Gallo grew up in Nevada and wasn’t even born until 1993.  Still since this new Joey Gallo will be living in New York City maybe someone should tell him that eating at Umberto’s Clam Bar, isn’t such a hot idea.  It’s those little things that get you. 

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To Die Another Day

One unintended consequence of being locked in during the Kung Flu has been the watching of movie, after movie, after movie on TV.  One of us actually watched Police Academy 1 through 7.  And, like they say, don't try that yourself.  He's a trained professional.  But watching so many movies allowed us to notice a few things and maybe help.  Like what never to do, if you’re the bad guy in a movie. 

Never, and we mean never, use an automatic weapon to shoot at the hero.  You will only miss.  You can shoot the sidekick, innocent bystanders and also a whole lot of nameless faceless cops, soldiers or others wearing uniforms with great results.  But if you turn that thing towards the hero, you’ll only put holes in walls, cars, shatter a lot of glass or make pretty splashes in puddles.  You will never hit the hero.   Well, you might nick him in the shoulder but it won’t bother him much.  Mostly, you’ll just be wasting ammo.   

Also, after you and the hero have run out of ammunition and come face to face, never try killing him with a pipe or a big sword.  You’re only going to swing and miss.  And, why waste all that effort when you're going to die anyway.  Much better is a short sword or a knife.  You might be able to wound the hero and he might even grunt or yell "Aggghhh.:  Also with the short blade instrument, the hero might actually pull the thing into himself so he can get close to you.  Of course, then you die.  But the advantage of the short blade instrument, is you will at least have the satisfaction of knowing you’ve wounded him and as you breath your last, you might even get something smart to say like.  "How do I look?“  Or I’ll see you in hell.”  Or "Yippie ki-yay mutherf*ck."

Now you might conclude that it’s best to stick with hand-to-hand fighting and at one point you’ll even be winning but that’s not going to last and neither are you. Again, why waste all that effort?

  

If you’re the bad guy basically, nothing will work  so don’t waste your time trying.  The best thing to do is run.  If you run quickly enough you might make it into the sequel.  Think Blofeld here.  The James Bond villain who was smart enough to make for the exits whenever Bond got too close.  Blofeld went onto quite a few sequels and he also outlasted a whole lot of Bonds. 

Yeah, yeah we’ve watched too many movies on TV and thank God this thing is just about over.  Now, we can all go to restaurants, bars, ballgames, concerts and yeah, the movies.

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dfabmd@aol.com